recognition, success, or solid team-work?

Were the options that the upbeat trainer asked us, the 20-something new associates, to choose from.

It was afternoon in Sydney and people are already tired after a full day of training and I can bet that their mind already in the next pub that they will hit that night. But the always upbeat Mr. Motivational Speaker asked us to move to respective team at each corner of the room. Clap. Clap. Asking us to make a faster move, while he stood there with huge grin on his face.

Guess what, most of us (including me) were cluttered on the corner that said ‘success’ (success as in whatever we do we is a hit, every day, every project but then in alienate from being recognize by our superiors and being in a solid team).

Maybe it was what we are aiming to be at work. Maybe we are all still young that we want nothing but success, not even a good team to work with nor recognition from our respective superior. Or maybe we were just following the ‘herd’.

So Mr. MS asked each of the team why we are standing where we were.

One of the South Africa older girls from the ‘solid team-work’ group, however, said something that I still remember till today. “I guess when I was younger (she sneered) I would be in that group (pointing at my ‘successful’ group). But now, after working for few years, I thrived to be with people that I could work with.”

What would you choose if you have the option of 1. being recognized, 2. being successful or 3. being in a solid team-work, however in alienation from each other?

(I guess I would be standing with a different peers)

vintage surveys

I bet few of my closest high-school friends would remember how I usually asked them to answer my 'silly' questions on a paper. Guess what, I found one of those vintage surveys! This are so funny but I'm going to write it up in Bahasa so it won't loose its originality (I'm not going to put in the names- but only the initials, but I bet you know who you are..). I promise I'm not changing an iota on it.

This one reads: "Our Futures... what do you want to be, OK!"

:p H: Gw mau jd diplomat sukses!! Harus tinggal diluar negri punya green card dan euro card!

E: ROCK STAR!!

T: Gue tentunya pingin banget jadi "newscaster", pinginnya sih CNN/BBC. Live in NY/DC/London. Huaaaa.. tinggi banget impian gue.

DN: Tentunya domisili di luar negri dhunksh!! paling sedikit di S'pore... gue bekereja sebagai fashion editor di majalah VOGUE dan jadi fashion merchandiser di dep store Bloomingdales atau Harrods... dan punya butik namanya Harajukumanic... punya greencard, terus punya pacar si cowok gebetan di gereja gua itu (ouwgh.. i'm so in love with him)

D: gua mo kerja di IBM int. jadi general manager.... asoy... trus side job gua jadi hackernya FBI... jadi gua yang memprotect site-nya FBI and buat film sbg cinematografi... cowok gua jadi business man... yang terkenal seantero dunia.

R: gue mau jadi PR di SM entertainment tempat shinhwa kerja... jadi kalo ada masalah, gue yang turun.. hehe

V: jadi anak angkatnya Bill Gates trus dpt smua warisannya... AMEEN!!

AA: mau jadi dokter (tae.. ah) di rumah sakit mahalan!! ato jadi akuntan di luar negri.. anak dua

AD: Business women, anak dua, suami business man, tajir..

F: kepala designer perusahaan floo.com. gue bikin ndiri perush-nya sampai t'kenal ke uj (ung) dunia 7 turunan. Co(wok) setipe dan ga jauh-jauh amat dr perbidangan gue, arsitek ke'.. (gue ga ksampean kan jd arsitek). Co(wok) gue sejati sehati sejiwa yang takuly.. (Zie: Sumpah gw nggak ngerti ini apaan).. anak gue juga kaya gue dalam bidang art-art gitu.. hehe (maksa) oia, gue jg pengen nerusin di bidang perdebatan.. jadi chief adjudicator.. hehe (tay ah)

IS: business women.. haha ato business girl.. yah geto lah.. jadi pemilik perusahaan komputer terkenal.. seluruh dunia, nyaingin IBM bikin prgram baru ngalahin windows.. trus tajir abesss (tentunya.. haha) tp suami gw jg ga kalah ma gua.. tajir *7-12 turunan* pemilih peursahaan sama terkenalnya ma gua.. tinggal di luar: Amrik, Ing, Prancis ato se engga2nya Spore, anak 2: ce&co.. pokoknya jadi orang yang SUPER SIBUK.. tp bisa bagi waktu

FR: apa ya.. kayaknya sih banyak anak.. yah mungkin 1 anak/tahun.. huahahaha!! apa ya kerja gw.. paling memajukan Purbasari sampe go international.. sampingan mengembangkan toko emasnya si ****.. suami gue = mafia hongkong :) under cover sebagai orang jual emas.. rumah tesebar dimana2, hidup penuh tantangan (apa sih!!).. ga tau ah! masa dpn gw ga jelas!!

I had blast laughing while writing this up. Goodness, how far have we been from that point? I miss you girls so much.

"..Insomnia is one of the symptom for depression," shrieked

At some point during my university year, I was so afraid that I was in a state of depression as I was crying so much and having minor insomnia problem. (NO, not PMS, I checked!). I could just lay on my bed with eyes pierced to the night sky, restless, unable to sleep and felt the urges to run to Chadstone, quite far from my apartment (Pakubuwono to Thamrin I guess?). Although I never did it.

Being ever so resourceful, I even googled to find out what are the symptoms of depression. Oh yes, few of it suit me very well. I told one of my ‘closest’ friend then how my feelings were a like to people who are depressed, he/she replied, “So what?” Not a sort of reply I would expect but it shook me off back to reality. I stopped thinking about me being depressed (well, not stopped but I restrained myself). I hold myself to think that this world revolves around ‘me’.

Up until now, I could only guess what has driven me being so~ diabolical. I think it has something to do with my low resistance level to pressure and the crazy competitive streak I have buried under my calm exterior. (Ha!). But of course I’m no doctor. Nor I am God.

Anyway, this subject of depression is a bit tricky. People from different stream of knowledge have different opinion on how to handle the depression. Counseling and drugs treatment are two of the main ‘medicine’ choice.

Thus my opinion is a bit subjective: I prefer sharing and writing.
Admit that something bothering you up also help.
And it is not uncommon: it happens at least to two girls I spoke to in the past few days. So it's not like you're crazy.
BUT self-restrain is important, don't let the 'depression' or the 'emotional' state allows us to take pity on ourselves. So I guess switching our attention from ourselves to others in need, is one of the way.

Of course, this is my take. Meanwhile some cases are just need special attention; so I'll let it up to people who are entitled to it.

Anyway, this talk about depression makes me miss my Melbourne so much. Urm.



[Photo 3+4 courtesy of Mr. Kurkur]

stop being a bitch

I stumbled upon one of my friend's Facebook notes regarding a person that has treated her so badly. In one unimaginable way that I thought only happened in sinetron. And after all the shenanigans this 'difficult person' pulled, she reaped her 'reward'.

Sweet, sweet revenge, huh, C? Especially when justice is served without having yourself included in the blooded battle. That is what the church may call, victorious. ^^v.

I don't believe in karma but I do believe in the saying of 'treat other like you want to be treated'. Because really, never will we know in what form a 'help' can come in our way. Which is what I found out as well this week, about a person who invisibly supported a friend in need.

Just like any typical week, I spent my Monday/Tuesday hanging out with my ex-colleague, Miss S, for lunch. She was telling me that she called our old office to speak to Mr. A, the legal director, asking for some sort of work related help. Not long after they talk nonsense, Mr. A asked her, "So, how's work? You like it there? How's Mr. B going?"

Mr. B used to work in our old office, but in a different era. Miss S, without any suspicion answered that Mr. B is alright and that she's is pretty settling in to the new office.

"I'm glad I could help." Mr. A said.

Miss S told me that she suddenly sense something weird from the statement, "What do you mean, Pak?"

"Lho, it was me who called Mr. B and hooked you two girls up for interview with him after the layoff."

What? It was him?! Mr. A who is typically acting ignorant about work and we sometime tease for his porn-joke? Mr. A who even didn't acknowledge us when we were beyond our mind that day? He was the one who promoted us to Mr. B?

Right after I got my pink slip, I received a text message (exactly on the next day) from Mr. B asking for my CV and proposing for interview. I just directly assumed that it was my ex-HOR that inform Mr. B about our condition. Both Miss S and I never got a chance to confirm who was it and we both just assumed it was one of the research people we know through out two years in the company. Little did we realize that Mr. A was the one who thinking about us and acted fast. And little did he know that my spirit was lifted a little higher that day. I get this 'out-of-jail/unemployment' card pretty fast, huh!

Oh well, so the story ends happily. I got a chance for an interview and realised that the job wasn't for me but it fit Miss S like gloves. While me, here I am, fully content that being nice to people that other may not think earns the respect, while sometime could be undervalued, is actually one of the treasured character.

I can't even speak proper BAHASA

so much for a nationalist wannabe, huh!?

I had an interview today with Stock Exchange watchdog to get my working license and I sort of bombed it to the ground and leaving with destroyed dignity *...*

So there were three gentlemen interviewing me about this broker/dealer related rules. It started off pretty alright with general question and what-not. Then, they started to ask me about the rules. NOT the rules that I don't know, but the thing is, I don't know what on earth they are talking about.

In my defense, I studied capital market overseas and I hate to say this but I am freaking unfamiliar with the jargon here. And badly enough, I started to think in English, translating their question to Bahasa then thinking about the rules, trying to explain it to myself in English and tried to speak in Bahasa. Confused. Just like overused laptop of mine, my mind crash. Blank. So.......in the middle of the interview I just give up.

Thankfully the gentlemen were quite nice. They weren't scolding at me and later told me that I could take another test (written one thank God) because.. I don't know why, actually.

But really, what's up with my Bahasa? I am alright with the Bahasa pergaulan and could speak fast enough that people won't think I'm dumb bimbo. But full EYD? Nada. Another plan plan plan!

Anyway, talking about watchdog and language, I remember one of the 'joke' that my 'bule' ex-boss used to tell during a party with Indonesian.

"Do you know that dog is the only animal that speaks two languages?" He asked.
Me: "Ummmm.."
"What sound a dog makes here (in Jakarta)?"
Me (stupidly): "Guk guk?"
"In Australia it said, woof woof." He smiled widely.
Me: "Ah!" Awkwardly.

So smart, ey?

love pigs forever

[Source: Ethic garden]

PS: The website is in French (which I don't understand even a bit) but the picture is quite endearing to the eyes. Enjoy.

For the love of the country

I was a mere rookie in my previous company and was only working for one full year when few analysts from the ASEAN team and I got a chance to go for a marketing trip in Singapore. I thought then, with my very positive mindset, how hard can it be to convince these people to invest in Indonesia’s “X” industry? It is such an investment heaven!

Right, I was so freaking naïve.

I realized after few meetings that Indonesia’s slot was set aside to the end of each meeting. When they were nice, they’d say, “We’re saving the best for last.” Even I couldn’t believe that. And sometime I could just sat there in the fancy meeting room listening at each country making their presentations until the time was up. Or if there was still enough time I have to rush through my presentation so they could have Q&A session. Thank you very much.

I got so self-conscious that I asked my senior what I had done wrong. Did I look too nervous, too young, too inexperience? (Well, I did back then so he said so).

My senior was a 40s Singaporean uncle who always take pleasure in having a cigarette break in between our meetings. “But here's the fact, no body really knows Indonesia, especially these young fund managers. The market is too small for them to care. They just don't have enough information to make something out of it. Granted, they are more positive than their seniors who were in the industry during 1997/98 crisis. But their view on Indonesia is guarded by the foreign media who is not particularly fond of your country, dear. So it is your job to teach them.” He smiled. Puff. Puff.

And this was early 2008, before recession really hit Asia.

Why such skepticism? Why does Indonesia is being punished so badly? Are we such an easy scapegoat? I kept asking.

Going into my third year in the industry, it is pretty clear how very negative foreigner could view Indonesia; particularly during hard time such this. Most are preventing themselves to invest in Indonesia with excuses that our Government has rotten systemic and regulation problem, which is undeniable true, and that was the main reason for them to drive away to a safer haven.

We couldn’t blame them though; many of them were screwed over by Indonesia’s unfailing bad corporate governance during the crisis 10 years ago. And just like a broken heart, you could always forgive, but never forget.

But if we jump into the skepticism boat as well, who'd defend this country? Well, it is not always rainbow and sweet things. But could it be us that given away the impression that this country really not worth living? And if not us, who else could give a balance view about this country?

the relationship stories

This is what happened after a series of private meeting with few of my friends: I got plenty spicy stuff to write about relationships. Girls (and boys), I'm not going to name names based on the secrecy you (thought you) gave me when we had our lunches/dinners/YMs/phone calls. But your stuffs are so damn writable. Heehee..

Here're the highlights:

• "My boyfriend doesn't understand me! He has to talk to me every night although I told him that I was so tired. Zie, I think I want to breakup." A friend who wants a more understanding boyfriend.


• "My girlfriend asks for unthinkable things for such an early relationship. We argued all the time!" A friend who are confused about the girl's character, to say the least.


• "Am I living in my past, Zie?" :) a friend who is trying to get further explanation from the ghostly relationship.


• "WHAT? He doesn't know what MSG stands for?!" a frustrated friend trying to get a balance view from the boyfriend and getting shocked by his lack of knowledge.


• "I usually dated girl my age, or older than me. This one is just too immature." a friend telling me about his LDR with a girl two years younger than his.

[Totally feeling #3 and #4, HA!]

Well, at least one of my friend is pretty positive despite the ‘not-so-good’ news she received about her boyfriend.

After hearing her story I immediately said, "See, that makes me more skeptical about boys. Is there even one decent human boy out there?" She said, "[I guess we need to think about one thing:] Good intention. Good intention."

I laughed. So that becomes our sort-of mantra when one of us is losing faith due to boy's troubles.

Anyhoo, I don’t really know how to respond to most of the complaints since I’m not a competent couple counselor. I typically smiled and nodded or acted like one muted idiot. However, for some, I told them to suck it up and move on. For some, maybe a little patience is required. Because what is relationship without hard work, acceptance and forgiveness? It is not one that is worth keeping, I guess.

Maybe I'm being simple and un-romantic.

Or, maybe the next time I should just listen to you and not publishing your complaints here :)

Have a great weekend!

PS: If you want me to remove your taglines then let me know haha.. will appreciate your privacy. Umm.. right. Haha.

OOOoo... (( -.- ))"

silence me

calm me

so i could hear

untangle me

Kiss on the forehead (KOTF)

During our three-weeks on Friday night dinner ritual, my ex-housemate, K and I talked about this ‘no-added value’ book I was reading calls “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. (This book is such a waste of money. Please don’t buy it. Just borrow it from me.)

Anyway the book lead us to this. K told me about one of her best-friend’s new theory about getting a kiss on the forehead. She insisted that it is not sweet nor meaningful like what it seems like on TV. According to her, it means: “No, I’m not going to kiss you anywhere else, honey,” sort of kiss, she said. Basically, the boy is just not that into the girl. Her argument was, if he really likes her, why forehead?

Before K heard about this, she and I share the same sentiment that KOTF means something deeper and gentler. Then maybe we both watched too many Asian soap dramas during our uni year. But is it? Does KOTF really mean the guy isn’t that into us?

Do tell.

city lite

Since I've moved in to my new office, (a bit deeper into the heart of Sudirman compare to my previous one) I feel more weirdly attach with the city I work in. Surely, Jakarta is no Sydney, nor is it New York or London. Not even HongKong or Singapore. *Note that I NEVER work more than 3 month in those cities cumulatively~

But I guess Jakarta is a home, despite all of its wackiness. The unbelievable bus. Questionable bus-way. And the pillars that are supposed to be monorail (what's up with that?!). The ever annoying motorcycle (will I ever move on from this topic? I don’t think I ever will). Crazy car drivers. Then there is traffic jam which usually due to some stupid excuses.

Last Monday, while I was stuck in my car for five minutes in front of my office I couldn’t help to laugh. Everything just seemed to stop as far as my eyes could see, even motorcycles were struggling at the pedestrian walk. It was just like a scene out of those ‘Armageddon’-like movie where the citizen is rushing out of the city to get away from meteor/zombie/disease of your choice. It was so surreal.

(Then I found out it is because of this high-profile occasion in Semanggi that polices are stopping traffic coming from ‘Old Town’ (a.ka Kota).)

Do I hate it? Oh, do I sometime can’t help but wanting to cuss! But my cursing will have no positive impact, will it?

Traffic problem is just one way to picture it, but life in Jakarta is just too unpredictable in every aspect. There’s simply no historical pattern that technical analyst would cry themselves to sleep. Life is just so unpredictable that I could not help to embrace it. If you thrive for manageability/predictability that developed countries are offering, you'll be sorely disappointed.

Some of us may have the choice to work outside the country, which I say, lucky you. But nothing will remain the same after you work down herein Jakarta. Really, on a bright side you’ll appreciate much more of what you currently have. On the brighter side, maybe you will, like me, try to embrace every second pass and make the most of it :). Happy working.

[ Do you know: during the day (in the working day surely), Jakarta population is typically double or even triple its population during the night? ]

Leonora's 78th birthday

Today is my Oma's birthday and my aunties are pulling some crowd from Oma's choir and tend us an afternoon service in our family's headquarter.

It was fun to say the least. You can learn so much from this specific bunch of people. Like how much they know about Chairil Anwar's life and death, how they read the song before singing it (then my brother told me he'd realized it was Ada Band's song?) or how old people past the age of 70 still flirt with each other.

(Hoho, now I need to stop).

Oma is one little lady. Her name is Leonora but her family calls her Toet. In Dutch it means little. My brother and I made fun of it when we were much younger. We called her Oma Toet Toet which sounded like those children song about the train and laughed like crazy. It is not so funny though, now.

Up until I was in high school Oma still went everywhere riding that crazy Metromini. However, she was one hell of a driver herself, I heard, back when my father and his sisters were kids. My father comes from big family of seven siblings but Oma could fit all of them in one tiny soap car (I'm so bad with car type) then she drove away like today's 'angkot' driver. I also heard that it was where we, the Toisuta ladies inherit our driving skill from.

My Oma is one religious lady. She took me to a separate room every year during my birthday to pray. Usually at 6PM because she said it was my birth time. She is a total opposite of my late Opa. Opa was not religious but very charming. It is either that or may be I just need an older man attention (hoho) but if Oma is beside him, she seems non-existent. All of my childhood memories about her is the one that we spent only the two of us with no other person in sight.

But I know she loves Opa so very much. She told me once that she and Opa would write to each other during the war time. But since her mother (my great-grand mother) is against the relationship, she would write his name in code:

1 3 0 1 3

My Opa name is Bob, a short for Robert.

When Opa died back in 2006, she suddenly suffered dementia. She would call me another name (usually my aunt's name). She would misplace things. She would looked at me and shocked why I'm doing around while I've been there all along. But as time passed, it heals and she is back to her tiny sweet lady she has always been.

So today she's 78th. Growing up I've always been respecting her, but now I admire her for what she has done for her family. Especially her unfailing love for her children and husband. I could only pray that my life would be half as good as hers so I could passed on to my own grandchildren the love I've received from her.