status ridden relationship

When I was first announced my relationship with my current boyfriend back in high school, a couple of my best friends told me that they think I was only in it [relationship] to have the status. You know, girlfriend status.

I was upset surely (although I love them for it.. eventually), but not all of the statement is untrue. Looking back, I jumped into the ‘relationship’ fast enough before knowing all of his character and quality. Of course it triggered suspicion from my closest friends. At the very least, they show me how they really care about me.

My reason for declaring the relationship? I don’t know. I just fell hard in love (pardon me, I was only 18! Haha as if age was the reason.. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic and he swept me off my feet.) Although to be honest, I never thought I would be staying in this relationship for so long.

In my defense, it wasn’t 100% status ridden relationship. I wasn’t looking for status since I was considered traitor by several girl in my 12th grade class for having a boyfriend. Back then, jomblo was the way. Haha. And I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend five years ago. I was satisfied with my life and my achievement and my best girl friends.. it is not that I need anyone to fill the void in my life.

Honestly, in the beginning I didn’t think highly of him. I only expect him to be funny and get me laughing all day. After a while, he began earning my respect and nowadays I could say great things about him, not only for making my days but also for pushing me toward my goals and taught me to be more a committed and discipline person.

Anyway, today is my 75th month knowing him and he’s been a great, great company. We had our moments; stupid (mostly), crazy, endearing and sad.

But in the end all is sweet. Let's just pray and hope that there are more months to come.


PS: Anyway, when I told him the fact that it is our 75th month he said.. "Oh, sebentar lagi 100 dong yah.." "Stupido, it's going to be another 2 years to reach that point!" He's sort of slow in math considering he's a businessman heehee..

Pee-Aim-Sssss

Hoho. Dirty little title.

Three little letters which I believe created to justified girls' bipolar emotion so boys won't think us of being crazy. Well, maybe it has some scientific truth in it, if you want to believe it.

Below is three points of my justification of the non-existence of PMS.

1. Girls get emotional during PMS? No. We are emotional little thing, aren't we? But if we get emotional, it is when we tried to get the attention. And you better have it our way. Otherwise, do you want girls to have PMS all year round? No. You'd prefer a few days per month. So it's a win-win situation.

2. The bloating and huge water retention. I felt big during PMS. Is it? Or does the eyes playing tricks? But do play with us that our eyes are not playing tricks. We "do" retain more water and salt during the time of the month so our jeans got a lil bit "tighter". Play this denial card and you won't get girl slap you for saying that she's gained weight.

3. Increasing level of craving for something sweet. Oh please, this is just so transparent, no??! Do I really have to say anything further? Chocolate is our best friend, right after diamonds and gay guys. We need justification to pig out once a month.

I better stop at three. Well, the medical world may have better explanation than mine. (Better and truer). Nonetheless, maybe this is scientifically proven, maybe it is just drama created by us, the repressed side of the gender. Haha, right.

Anyway, I thought this whole drama during PMS thing only happened to me. But then again, I was proven wrong. The universe screamed, "Not that special, honey!" Funny things this PMS. (And by funny I mean 'locoooo')

PS: This post importance (or the lack of it) has raised my own eyebrows. I just need to vent. Sorry readers.

"what if scenarios": this is what analysts do *wink

In the spirit of Oscar week (and an excuse to post Mr. McAvoy picture) let me talk something I know about atonement*.

I watched Atonement last year after seeing the trailer repeatedly in cable tv. It won Oscars, so I guess it should be at least boring but good. Really recommended the movie, especially those who can stand long movies (123minutes). But it's really worth the sacrifice (fell in love with McAvoy here heehee).

However, after I saw it first time, I left the movie feeling~ weird. I wasn’t happy nor gullible such post air-head chick flick or rom-com movies. Yet, I was sad because the ending isn’t so ‘chick flick-ey’. You know what; I went to find the book (Ian McEwan), assuming it will give me a different kind of ending. Ha, so much of an imagination.

The main characters apparently are not the couple struggling to get their happy ending (such ‘The Notebook’ to name a few). It is the little girl, Briony, who with her vivid imagination took the burden of her own guilt. She tried her best all her life to make amends to Cecilia (her sister) and Robbie (Cecilia’s lover). However, fate chose different ending for the couple who died during the war and all Briony had was her novels. So she chose whatever writers are good at, making a totally different ending. A happy one.

The weird feeling hasn’t gone away. But now I can relate to the old Briony.

There are times when I want to wipe off the guilt, I imagine things to go the other way. Isn’t it the power of being a writer? That’s what I do ^^.

And lately, I got myself a little guilt creeping inside of me. Nothing religious, but more human interaction issue (heh, whatever it means). In short, it is harder if you feel the guilt toward another person compare to guilt of onself! Especially if they live hundreds miles away and has issues of their own. (Hoho, pointing fingers). So I indulge in a different kinda 'what-if' scenarios here and there to make amends for what could've been between our complicated relationship. That's what writers do, no?

Anywho, my believe is that we should NOT live in guilt. Having a sense of guilt is okay since it means you are being a human. Having none would equal to pshycotic. Too much would be suicidal (not much different apparently). And looking at it from my Christian believes, we should not live in guilt of our past. Because atonement has made through Christ and so we live as a new being.

*[Atonement: Amends or reparation made for an injury or wrong; expiation. a. Reconciliation or an instance of reconciliation between God and humans. b. Atonement Christianity The reconciliation of God and humans brought about by the redemptive life and death of Jesus]

when a girl likes a boy

Do you remember when you were young enough to be pure, but old enough to think that your opposite sex (or same sex~ whatever) is one attractive human being? The magical feeling of being giddy, excited to see your crush, remembering their full name, their driving plate (ha, I did that). Then disclosing it to your very best friend, who'll keep it as a secret and you two creating a nickname for them.

Do you remember when the first boy (I'll use this as my reference.. preference) decided to announce their feelings for you? Even though you both are still a fourth grader (or Kindergarten if you are luckier) and still you thought that he was the one?

Looking back, the fun of having a crush at school seems so fairy-tale story.

Do we think about what happen if the boy liking us back? Uh-huh, no.

Yet, back then, I envied my girlfriends who got boys lining for them. I wasn't really lucky (as in so lucky to experience Kindergarten love story). The first boy who told me he liked me was when I was on the verge of puberty. I was 12 and I don't really like him. And I never had boys lining up for me.

Meanwhile, some of my elementary friends were already dating (meaning: went to see the movie, meet each other in the park :), or whatever they did back then). I know that they maybe the alpha male/female within our population (or sample is a more likely size of what we were) but still, the feeling of being left behind is not so nice.

Honestly, I'm just happy now we are grown up. I can't say the same for boys on the growing up part, but I'm glad I'm no longer ten and seeing all of my girlfriends have their own follower.

Reason: not because I have an entourage of my own, no.

I guess life has taught me few things about relationship. While physical attractiveness is crucial, but relationship (or life) is not by all means successful based on the numbers. You know what they say, quality over quantity.

Being a grown up, maybe delete the magical feeling of 'falling in crush' faster since we've learned that what follow is hard-work, it proves that there's some things that are more important after the crush phase. There is no point for being so popular if we ended up alone in misery because none of the boys are connecting with us on our level, right?

Although, yes, it is still fun to have boys lining up to see you once in a while.

So when a girl likes a boy (and vice versa), give it a shot! Just make sure that, he likes you back, you two share the same future, and you're willing to work for it

Simple one, two, three.

Image source: www.art.com