my first ever theory..

It was one afternoon in the kindergarten class, hot and noisy. It would be easy to be distracted with the numbers of kid kicking and screaming, but you won’t miss me. I was the chubby pupil sitting nicely on the back right side of the class, with huge curly hair tied by scrunches (it was 80s) on top of my head. I was the only one with huge curl hair and one of the tallest girls in class (thus the back seat), Mini Amazonian in two word.

The class was busy after we finished our art craft class, the last subject for the day while our teachers tried to calm us down and prepared us to go home. Not long, most of the kids have sat on their own little chair with bags on top of the table eager to go home to their own life.

Our teachers called us to be quiet so we could have a going home pray, one of them ask us to close our eyes. Suddenly, I asked myself, ‘Why do we have to close our eyes?’ I looked around the class and see some girls already closed their eyes following our teacher command.

Then came the weirdest question of all that makes me breach the ‘close your eyes rule’ for the first time ever, ‘Is there any secret that the teachers are hiding from us? Maybe we are all taken to heaven while praying and the teacher want to keep it as secret! But, I want to see heaven!’ [Here come investigative analyst on your way..] I decided there and then, to see with my own eyes, what happened when we closed our eyes while praying. So I decided to peek.

I closed my eyes preparing for the pray, the teacher delivered her first sentence, “Our Father who art in Heaven..” My heart beat faster, NOW, all the children must have been taken to the heaven! I waited for good timing and when the teachers started her second sentence, I squinted while holding my breath.

The class remained full, most of the pupil put their little hand on the table, some boys peeked like I did.. but none of them disappeared. And the class looked just like the same, nothing reminisce of heaven that I typically saw in the pictures with angels, cloud, gold trumpets. (Although now, I believe it could be a heavenly moment for the teacher; quiet class room with no kids crying or kicking their friends.)

In the end, I was a bit disappointed because I saw no heaven. And although I should’ve thought that my hypothesis is null, I refused to surrender. For a little while I still think that it is true. And the reason why the boys and I can’t see heaven is because we are opening our eyes and breaking the rules.

OH dear, I should’ve known better. Well, I came a long way from then on, learning that the essence of praying is not on the physical routine such closing the eyes, but it is one of the outcomes of us immersed in our prayers.

So here it was, my first memories of having a theory. A silly, imaginative, naive one.

Mat 26.14; Keep watch with prayer, so that you may not be put to the test: the spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is feeble

Pearl Before Breakfast, 2007, Weingarten

Maybe there are millions before me linking their blog to this beautifully written piece, Pearl Before Breakfast by Gene Weingarten (published by Washington Post Staff Writer in 2007).

Anyway, I just read the article this afternoon when a friend emailed me the article. It read “Slow down in 2009” in the subject line so I thought it must have been the one of many articles that encourages you to slow down, look around and appreciate the beauty that life has to offer rather than focusing on work and recession and global turmoil. Yadda yadda..

But then I read the preface and got hooked.

For those who hasn’t read the article, it is about the experiment made by the WP and Joshua Bell, a young virtuoso, who the latter played as a street musician, dressed down like one and took a stand in the busy Metro in Washington. It is far cry from his typical performance where people pay a minimum of US$100 per seat and a standing ovation thereafter.

Well, aside from the good article (won Pulitzer, hey?), it really does remind me, to breath (because I usually hold my breath while working), to smile, to talk, to hug, to look at someone in the eyes and say that I care, to prioritize...

because routines could have its way swaying me from what really is important: my life.

To end this, quotes below are ones that I really really really like and take to heart:

The poet Billy Collins once laughingly observed that all babies are born with knowledge of poetry, because the lub-dub of the mother's heart is in iambic meter. Then, Collins said, life slowly starts to choke the poetry out of us.

And then there was Calvin Myint, he had no memory that there had been a musician anywhere in sight. There's nothing wrong with Myint's hearing. He had buds in his ear. He was listening to his iPod.

For many of us, the explosion in technology has perversely limited, not expanded, our exposure to new experiences. ...And with iPods, we hear what we already know; we program our own playlists.

It's about failing to see the beauty of what's plainly in front of your eyes.

We're busy. Americans have been busy, as a people, since at least 1831, when a young French sociologist named Alexis de Tocqueville visited the States and found himself impressed, bemused and slightly dismayed at the degree to which people were driven, to the exclusion of everything else, by hard work and the accumulation of wealth.

When Picarello was growing up in New York, he studied violin seriously, intending to be a concert musician. But he gave it up at 18, when he decided he'd never be good enough to make it pay. Life does that to you sometimes. Sometimes, you have to do the prudent thing. So he went into another line of work. He's a supervisor at the U.S. Postal Service. Doesn't play the violin much, anymore.

it's soothing..

Source: Honestly I can't remember where I downloaded this bedroom picture. So if anyone want me to take this down for not stating the source.. I'd.. do.. that..

status ridden relationship

When I was first announced my relationship with my current boyfriend back in high school, a couple of my best friends told me that they think I was only in it [relationship] to have the status. You know, girlfriend status.

I was upset surely (although I love them for it.. eventually), but not all of the statement is untrue. Looking back, I jumped into the ‘relationship’ fast enough before knowing all of his character and quality. Of course it triggered suspicion from my closest friends. At the very least, they show me how they really care about me.

My reason for declaring the relationship? I don’t know. I just fell hard in love (pardon me, I was only 18! Haha as if age was the reason.. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic and he swept me off my feet.) Although to be honest, I never thought I would be staying in this relationship for so long.

In my defense, it wasn’t 100% status ridden relationship. I wasn’t looking for status since I was considered traitor by several girl in my 12th grade class for having a boyfriend. Back then, jomblo was the way. Haha. And I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend five years ago. I was satisfied with my life and my achievement and my best girl friends.. it is not that I need anyone to fill the void in my life.

Honestly, in the beginning I didn’t think highly of him. I only expect him to be funny and get me laughing all day. After a while, he began earning my respect and nowadays I could say great things about him, not only for making my days but also for pushing me toward my goals and taught me to be more a committed and discipline person.

Anyway, today is my 75th month knowing him and he’s been a great, great company. We had our moments; stupid (mostly), crazy, endearing and sad.

But in the end all is sweet. Let's just pray and hope that there are more months to come.


PS: Anyway, when I told him the fact that it is our 75th month he said.. "Oh, sebentar lagi 100 dong yah.." "Stupido, it's going to be another 2 years to reach that point!" He's sort of slow in math considering he's a businessman heehee..

"Are you.. (silent) getting fatter?"

If you ever gained 10kg out of eating then you'll understand what I'm talking about. You'll hate the statement, "Are you fatter?" that your friends or relative sprout while looking sympathetic at you. Really? Sympathy?

That was my Friday-moved-to-Sunday talk with K. We finished our weekend gym routine (cardio-standing in awe of the pool-sauna-steam) then hungry enough to eat so much of mayo-full sushi/salad/takoyaki.

I guess we both had the experience of being in an unshapely form of a female (sorry babe) during our uni year gaining more than 10kilos due to a diet of KFC, Nando's and huge single portion of chinese food for lunch and dinner and no sport. (Well, she went for gym while I pretend I didn't need one) We didn't really care though at that time, being an Asian in a country populated by big boned caucasian was an advantage.

Then come Summer holiday and we're packing our way home. One of our girlfriend even got into panic attack the week leading to our departure date. But she has the right to be panic, we must have been looking like 'giantess' compare to the Indonesian liliputh.

Well, we did. But now, after living in Jakarta for almost three years, I am almost my high-school weight again. Why, you may ask. Here's K answers:

1. Food portion here is way smaller. Which is so true, portion in Melbourne is twice of what we are eating here and we usually eat it up to the very last rice. So basically food in Indo is not necessarily cheaper. It is just smaller and fit our stomach perfectly.

2. Mother's dietting factor. My mom is not that bad, but I know that K's mom is (again, sorry babe). But then again maybe my Mom is rather lazy and she usually told me to exercise rather than cutting my food intake. K told me that her mom watched her food portion. Well, we did ate a whole chicken at once so maybe we were a tad over the top.

3. Peer pressure. As I told you before, about my girlfriend who freaked out going back to Jakarta. Have you seen girls here? Small. Tiny. Ugh. Thennnnn.. extended family who usually said, "Kak, are you gaining weight?" "Kak, your ass look big." Then friends who told you to reduce your eating portion and praised you once you were losing some weight. Those carrot and stick approach is sickening but very effective.

Anyway, above all those losing weight tips, I guess being healthy is more important than being skinny. Haha. Learned it the hard way. (But being skinny and healthy is always another option).

Watch what you're eating. Green is good (although gross). Water is supposed to be your BFF. Exercise well. And for me.. no more fried food (dammit).

play fetch (then) run

you could tell me to lay here,
put there,
eat some,
come with,
and i'll say yes

but Monsieur
if I tell you to lay there,
put here,
eat more,
come with,
you'll say no
easy

just no~

so how should I know
if you ever..
even in like..
with me?

Pee-Aim-Sssss

Hoho. Dirty little title.

Three little letters which I believe created to justified girls' bipolar emotion so boys won't think us of being crazy. Well, maybe it has some scientific truth in it, if you want to believe it.

Below is three points of my justification of the non-existence of PMS.

1. Girls get emotional during PMS? No. We are emotional little thing, aren't we? But if we get emotional, it is when we tried to get the attention. And you better have it our way. Otherwise, do you want girls to have PMS all year round? No. You'd prefer a few days per month. So it's a win-win situation.

2. The bloating and huge water retention. I felt big during PMS. Is it? Or does the eyes playing tricks? But do play with us that our eyes are not playing tricks. We "do" retain more water and salt during the time of the month so our jeans got a lil bit "tighter". Play this denial card and you won't get girl slap you for saying that she's gained weight.

3. Increasing level of craving for something sweet. Oh please, this is just so transparent, no??! Do I really have to say anything further? Chocolate is our best friend, right after diamonds and gay guys. We need justification to pig out once a month.

I better stop at three. Well, the medical world may have better explanation than mine. (Better and truer). Nonetheless, maybe this is scientifically proven, maybe it is just drama created by us, the repressed side of the gender. Haha, right.

Anyway, I thought this whole drama during PMS thing only happened to me. But then again, I was proven wrong. The universe screamed, "Not that special, honey!" Funny things this PMS. (And by funny I mean 'locoooo')

PS: This post importance (or the lack of it) has raised my own eyebrows. I just need to vent. Sorry readers.

Jakarta is the second worst city for work?! Expats, come on!

Read this surveys in Jakarta Post today. Will get the link once it is uploaded in their web.

Funny enough, the expats they interviewed sort of contradicting the result surveys.

10 Worst Cities to Work in

1. Lagos, Nigeria
2. Jakarta, Indonesia
3. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
4. Almaty, Kazakhstan
5. Mumbai, India
6. New Delhi, India
7. Nairobi, Kenya
8. Bogota, Colombia
9. Ho Chi Minh City, Vitenam
10. Chennai, India

OK. This is sad. We are worst than Mumbai in a recent surveys. Don't they remember about Mumbai Massacre? It was only few months back?!

Anyway, have a pleasant day working wherever you are. And please pray for us in Jakarta for having to work in the second worst city for expats. *Sarcastic Tone on* Yipeeeee!

did you vote?

Well, I did. I made up my mind at the last minute since I'm not really convinced over this election thing.

Anyway, recent act of electing up anti-pornography law eliminated most of the parties for me. Hoo. At least I felt strongly about something for Indonesia election huh?

Hope you all did. Even if the choice for not making any decision. As long as it is not because you just don't want to drag your lazy ass across the bedroom last Thursday :)

For those who didn't know (which I doubt unless you're residing outside Indonesia), this was circulated through email last Wednesday