For the luckiest girls I know.. and the most blessed one :)
Sometime.. I use luck and blessing inter-changing-ly. Why? Because while I know the meaning is not really the same, it does provoke similar response: that the recipient get something that she/he doesn't realllyyy deserve but receiving it anyway.. In my view, luck is more a random action upon the receiver.. while blessings is used to acknowledge that there is greater power that disburse the 'happiness'. In other word it depend on whether we are spiritual/not. Or is it?
My parent keep on telling me this one-liner every time I feel stressed out, which usually happen as exam draw nears *haha*: "Study as hard as you can, but when the time comes, let God take over." It helps, honestly, every other time. The other odds, the stress level is too high that I still need to have control over it and ended up tired or failing.
But I believe, giving up control is part of which why some people can be lucky or blessed. It's not the formula for luck though, (what's in life that has formula except math and science?) maybe more how-to.
I used to think that all I need to do is work hard enough that I know exactly the outcome is driven by me and me alone. But now I started to suspect that luck/bless factor is indeed exist. Let me put it this way: luck/blessing is the premium to our fruit of labor, factor that determine the magnitude of impact on our work, and we deserve it.
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
speaking word of faith
so, my ex-boss, Ms Coach (as her fave bag brand and her super-ability to coach/mentor me) decided to return to the Investment Banking market once again and she, surprise surprise, chose the IB House that I'm currently working in. I couldn't complain though, this is just like a April blessing for me because I adore Ms. Coach since forever. OK. I could continue gushing but it'll take another para to fill all in while I want to write about is a blessing in disguise.
in the afternoon after I'd received my pink slip (still easier to say than 'laid off'), Ms. S and I sat in the Pacific Place Coffee Bean, trying to cheer each other up. We sat on the compound of coach looking over to Jakarta Stock Exchange, the very place where we just got kicked out from. We laughed over some satirical joke, over the irony of the situation while trying to hide our shock and tears.
being ever two ambitious girls we discussed about what we are going to do next. well, I did plan to get off the country as soon as I could ditch the CFA test while Ms. S plan to work for Ms. Coach pro-bono (Ms. Coach has her own fund business, unfortunately it also collapsed following the global stock market meltdown), as long as she could stay in the business, that what she said. Although not long, we returned to the topic that clouded our head.
at that time, the very Bible verse that I remember was the one about how God has this grand plan and pieces are falling into its places just as how God want it to be. Then I had the urge to challenge my faith and tested God's statement on how faithful he is. So I said over and over, loudly to Ms. S, that I know this happens for something that I don't know yet but I just knew that the plan is going to be beautiful that when the time comes I'd be sharing the words of joy and gratefulness.
maybe the fact that Ms. Coach is back into the business and becoming my boss is one of the beautiful result that I thought back then (If I have to tell the story about how Ms. Coach was getting the job, you'd think that it is some sort of scenario that I had made up~) or maybe it is just one of the pieces that falling into places for me to get to the finish line.
Either way God, He has some decent sense of humour! He put in our heart an emergency button called faith, that during the times of no hope, we could turn it on and start believing that there are hopes although we couldn't see it with our physical eyes.
I'm learning, from the small thing such jobs, to bigger things like love. I'm still learning.
in the afternoon after I'd received my pink slip (still easier to say than 'laid off'), Ms. S and I sat in the Pacific Place Coffee Bean, trying to cheer each other up. We sat on the compound of coach looking over to Jakarta Stock Exchange, the very place where we just got kicked out from. We laughed over some satirical joke, over the irony of the situation while trying to hide our shock and tears.
being ever two ambitious girls we discussed about what we are going to do next. well, I did plan to get off the country as soon as I could ditch the CFA test while Ms. S plan to work for Ms. Coach pro-bono (Ms. Coach has her own fund business, unfortunately it also collapsed following the global stock market meltdown), as long as she could stay in the business, that what she said. Although not long, we returned to the topic that clouded our head.
at that time, the very Bible verse that I remember was the one about how God has this grand plan and pieces are falling into its places just as how God want it to be. Then I had the urge to challenge my faith and tested God's statement on how faithful he is. So I said over and over, loudly to Ms. S, that I know this happens for something that I don't know yet but I just knew that the plan is going to be beautiful that when the time comes I'd be sharing the words of joy and gratefulness.
maybe the fact that Ms. Coach is back into the business and becoming my boss is one of the beautiful result that I thought back then (If I have to tell the story about how Ms. Coach was getting the job, you'd think that it is some sort of scenario that I had made up~) or maybe it is just one of the pieces that falling into places for me to get to the finish line.
Either way God, He has some decent sense of humour! He put in our heart an emergency button called faith, that during the times of no hope, we could turn it on and start believing that there are hopes although we couldn't see it with our physical eyes.
I'm learning, from the small thing such jobs, to bigger things like love. I'm still learning.
my first ever theory..
It was one afternoon in the kindergarten class, hot and noisy. It would be easy to be distracted with the numbers of kid kicking and screaming, but you won’t miss me. I was the chubby pupil sitting nicely on the back right side of the class, with huge curly hair tied by scrunches (it was 80s) on top of my head. I was the only one with huge curl hair and one of the tallest girls in class (thus the back seat), Mini Amazonian in two word.
The class was busy after we finished our art craft class, the last subject for the day while our teachers tried to calm us down and prepared us to go home. Not long, most of the kids have sat on their own little chair with bags on top of the table eager to go home to their own life.
Our teachers called us to be quiet so we could have a going home pray, one of them ask us to close our eyes. Suddenly, I asked myself, ‘Why do we have to close our eyes?’ I looked around the class and see some girls already closed their eyes following our teacher command.
Then came the weirdest question of all that makes me breach the ‘close your eyes rule’ for the first time ever, ‘Is there any secret that the teachers are hiding from us? Maybe we are all taken to heaven while praying and the teacher want to keep it as secret! But, I want to see heaven!’ [Here come investigative analyst on your way..] I decided there and then, to see with my own eyes, what happened when we closed our eyes while praying. So I decided to peek.
I closed my eyes preparing for the pray, the teacher delivered her first sentence, “Our Father who art in Heaven..” My heart beat faster, NOW, all the children must have been taken to the heaven! I waited for good timing and when the teachers started her second sentence, I squinted while holding my breath.
The class remained full, most of the pupil put their little hand on the table, some boys peeked like I did.. but none of them disappeared. And the class looked just like the same, nothing reminisce of heaven that I typically saw in the pictures with angels, cloud, gold trumpets. (Although now, I believe it could be a heavenly moment for the teacher; quiet class room with no kids crying or kicking their friends.)
In the end, I was a bit disappointed because I saw no heaven. And although I should’ve thought that my hypothesis is null, I refused to surrender. For a little while I still think that it is true. And the reason why the boys and I can’t see heaven is because we are opening our eyes and breaking the rules.
OH dear, I should’ve known better. Well, I came a long way from then on, learning that the essence of praying is not on the physical routine such closing the eyes, but it is one of the outcomes of us immersed in our prayers.
So here it was, my first memories of having a theory. A silly, imaginative, naive one.
The class was busy after we finished our art craft class, the last subject for the day while our teachers tried to calm us down and prepared us to go home. Not long, most of the kids have sat on their own little chair with bags on top of the table eager to go home to their own life.
Our teachers called us to be quiet so we could have a going home pray, one of them ask us to close our eyes. Suddenly, I asked myself, ‘Why do we have to close our eyes?’ I looked around the class and see some girls already closed their eyes following our teacher command.
Then came the weirdest question of all that makes me breach the ‘close your eyes rule’ for the first time ever, ‘Is there any secret that the teachers are hiding from us? Maybe we are all taken to heaven while praying and the teacher want to keep it as secret! But, I want to see heaven!’ [Here come investigative analyst on your way..] I decided there and then, to see with my own eyes, what happened when we closed our eyes while praying. So I decided to peek.
I closed my eyes preparing for the pray, the teacher delivered her first sentence, “Our Father who art in Heaven..” My heart beat faster, NOW, all the children must have been taken to the heaven! I waited for good timing and when the teachers started her second sentence, I squinted while holding my breath.
The class remained full, most of the pupil put their little hand on the table, some boys peeked like I did.. but none of them disappeared. And the class looked just like the same, nothing reminisce of heaven that I typically saw in the pictures with angels, cloud, gold trumpets. (Although now, I believe it could be a heavenly moment for the teacher; quiet class room with no kids crying or kicking their friends.)
In the end, I was a bit disappointed because I saw no heaven. And although I should’ve thought that my hypothesis is null, I refused to surrender. For a little while I still think that it is true. And the reason why the boys and I can’t see heaven is because we are opening our eyes and breaking the rules.
OH dear, I should’ve known better. Well, I came a long way from then on, learning that the essence of praying is not on the physical routine such closing the eyes, but it is one of the outcomes of us immersed in our prayers.
So here it was, my first memories of having a theory. A silly, imaginative, naive one.
Mat 26.14; Keep watch with prayer, so that you may not be put to the test: the spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is feeble
"..Insomnia is one of the symptom for depression," shrieked
At some point during my university year, I was so afraid that I was in a state of depression as I was crying so much and having minor insomnia problem. (NO, not PMS, I checked!). I could just lay on my bed with eyes pierced to the night sky, restless, unable to sleep and felt the urges to run to Chadstone, quite far from my apartment (Pakubuwono to Thamrin I guess?). Although I never did it.
Being ever so resourceful, I even googled to find out what are the symptoms of depression. Oh yes, few of it suit me very well. I told one of my ‘closest’ friend then how my feelings were a like to people who are depressed, he/she replied, “So what?” Not a sort of reply I would expect but it shook me off back to reality. I stopped thinking about me being depressed (well, not stopped but I restrained myself). I hold myself to think that this world revolves around ‘me’.
Up until now, I could only guess what has driven me being so~ diabolical. I think it has something to do with my low resistance level to pressure and the crazy competitive streak I have buried under my calm exterior. (Ha!). But of course I’m no doctor. Nor I am God.
Anyway, this subject of depression is a bit tricky. People from different stream of knowledge have different opinion on how to handle the depression. Counseling and drugs treatment are two of the main ‘medicine’ choice.
Thus my opinion is a bit subjective: I prefer sharing and writing.
Admit that something bothering you up also help.
And it is not uncommon: it happens at least to two girls I spoke to in the past few days. So it's not like you're crazy.
BUT self-restrain is important, don't let the 'depression' or the 'emotional' state allows us to take pity on ourselves. So I guess switching our attention from ourselves to others in need, is one of the way.
Of course, this is my take. Meanwhile some cases are just need special attention; so I'll let it up to people who are entitled to it.
Anyway, this talk about depression makes me miss my Melbourne so much. Urm.
[Photo 3+4 courtesy of Mr. Kurkur]
Being ever so resourceful, I even googled to find out what are the symptoms of depression. Oh yes, few of it suit me very well. I told one of my ‘closest’ friend then how my feelings were a like to people who are depressed, he/she replied, “So what?” Not a sort of reply I would expect but it shook me off back to reality. I stopped thinking about me being depressed (well, not stopped but I restrained myself). I hold myself to think that this world revolves around ‘me’.
Up until now, I could only guess what has driven me being so~ diabolical. I think it has something to do with my low resistance level to pressure and the crazy competitive streak I have buried under my calm exterior. (Ha!). But of course I’m no doctor. Nor I am God.
Anyway, this subject of depression is a bit tricky. People from different stream of knowledge have different opinion on how to handle the depression. Counseling and drugs treatment are two of the main ‘medicine’ choice.
Thus my opinion is a bit subjective: I prefer sharing and writing.
Admit that something bothering you up also help.
And it is not uncommon: it happens at least to two girls I spoke to in the past few days. So it's not like you're crazy.
BUT self-restrain is important, don't let the 'depression' or the 'emotional' state allows us to take pity on ourselves. So I guess switching our attention from ourselves to others in need, is one of the way.
Of course, this is my take. Meanwhile some cases are just need special attention; so I'll let it up to people who are entitled to it.
Anyway, this talk about depression makes me miss my Melbourne so much. Urm.
[Photo 3+4 courtesy of Mr. Kurkur]
"what if scenarios": this is what analysts do *wink
In the spirit of Oscar week (and an excuse to post Mr. McAvoy picture) let me talk something I know about atonement*.
I watched Atonement last year after seeing the trailer repeatedly in cable tv. It won Oscars, so I guess it should be at least boring but good. Really recommended the movie, especially those who can stand long movies (123minutes). But it's really worth the sacrifice (fell in love with McAvoy here heehee).
However, after I saw it first time, I left the movie feeling~ weird. I wasn’t happy nor gullible such post air-head chick flick or rom-com movies. Yet, I was sad because the ending isn’t so ‘chick flick-ey’. You know what; I went to find the book (Ian McEwan), assuming it will give me a different kind of ending. Ha, so much of an imagination.
The main characters apparently are not the couple struggling to get their happy ending (such ‘The Notebook’ to name a few). It is the little girl, Briony, who with her vivid imagination took the burden of her own guilt. She tried her best all her life to make amends to Cecilia (her sister) and Robbie (Cecilia’s lover). However, fate chose different ending for the couple who died during the war and all Briony had was her novels. So she chose whatever writers are good at, making a totally different ending. A happy one.
The weird feeling hasn’t gone away. But now I can relate to the old Briony.
There are times when I want to wipe off the guilt, I imagine things to go the other way. Isn’t it the power of being a writer? That’s what I do ^^.
And lately, I got myself a little guilt creeping inside of me. Nothing religious, but more human interaction issue (heh, whatever it means). In short, it is harder if you feel the guilt toward another person compare to guilt of onself! Especially if they live hundreds miles away and has issues of their own. (Hoho, pointing fingers). So I indulge in a different kinda 'what-if' scenarios here and there to make amends for what could've been between our complicated relationship. That's what writers do, no?
I watched Atonement last year after seeing the trailer repeatedly in cable tv. It won Oscars, so I guess it should be at least boring but good. Really recommended the movie, especially those who can stand long movies (123minutes). But it's really worth the sacrifice (fell in love with McAvoy here heehee).
However, after I saw it first time, I left the movie feeling~ weird. I wasn’t happy nor gullible such post air-head chick flick or rom-com movies. Yet, I was sad because the ending isn’t so ‘chick flick-ey’. You know what; I went to find the book (Ian McEwan), assuming it will give me a different kind of ending. Ha, so much of an imagination.
The main characters apparently are not the couple struggling to get their happy ending (such ‘The Notebook’ to name a few). It is the little girl, Briony, who with her vivid imagination took the burden of her own guilt. She tried her best all her life to make amends to Cecilia (her sister) and Robbie (Cecilia’s lover). However, fate chose different ending for the couple who died during the war and all Briony had was her novels. So she chose whatever writers are good at, making a totally different ending. A happy one.
The weird feeling hasn’t gone away. But now I can relate to the old Briony.
There are times when I want to wipe off the guilt, I imagine things to go the other way. Isn’t it the power of being a writer? That’s what I do ^^.
And lately, I got myself a little guilt creeping inside of me. Nothing religious, but more human interaction issue (heh, whatever it means). In short, it is harder if you feel the guilt toward another person compare to guilt of onself! Especially if they live hundreds miles away and has issues of their own. (Hoho, pointing fingers). So I indulge in a different kinda 'what-if' scenarios here and there to make amends for what could've been between our complicated relationship. That's what writers do, no?
Anywho, my believe is that we should NOT live in guilt. Having a sense of guilt is okay since it means you are being a human. Having none would equal to pshycotic. Too much would be suicidal (not much different apparently). And looking at it from my Christian believes, we should not live in guilt of our past. Because atonement has made through Christ and so we live as a new being.
*[Atonement: Amends or reparation made for an injury or wrong; expiation. a. Reconciliation or an instance of reconciliation between God and humans. b. Atonement Christianity The reconciliation of God and humans brought about by the redemptive life and death of Jesus]
fulfil, like a piggy ^oo^
What it is like being content in your life? It is rare occasion for me in the past six months, but now I feel like I'm at peace with everything.
And it does occur to me that peace, contentment, happiness is not derived from material contentment. OF COURSE, the fact that I don't have to think (or making a fuss) about that is a crucial matter. But, most of ALL, peace, joy and contentment can not be bought.
In the past few moment, I couldn't stand still. It is as if someone put a light under my butt, making me restless. Unable to stay in one place. Like a lense, I was out of focus, thus the result was blurry. (I could be deep. HA!)
I hope I shouldn't return to that state anymore. I was bad, real bad. I acted carelessly, I gave bad advice *this is my biggest regret*, I was just like a kid running to lollipop dangled in a unsettling dog (or some sort). Whatever I want I have to get. It has given me the wrong competitive streak~ where I in the end isolated myself to dark.
I want to be good.
That's the only request I have for this year.
And it does occur to me that peace, contentment, happiness is not derived from material contentment. OF COURSE, the fact that I don't have to think (or making a fuss) about that is a crucial matter. But, most of ALL, peace, joy and contentment can not be bought.
In the past few moment, I couldn't stand still. It is as if someone put a light under my butt, making me restless. Unable to stay in one place. Like a lense, I was out of focus, thus the result was blurry. (I could be deep. HA!)
I hope I shouldn't return to that state anymore. I was bad, real bad. I acted carelessly, I gave bad advice *this is my biggest regret*, I was just like a kid running to lollipop dangled in a unsettling dog (or some sort). Whatever I want I have to get. It has given me the wrong competitive streak~ where I in the end isolated myself to dark.
I want to be good.
That's the only request I have for this year.
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