Next year I'll turn quarter a century, which is huge, I guess. Meanwhile accomplishment so far is so so great. career seems on track. relationship, a bit questionable.
As usual at this time of the year I'm compiling my resolution(s) for the following year and I realise I have discipline lacking life which is sad. Instance: my blog which I plan to have 120 entries only has 60 entries in 2009. (Glass half full, glass half empty)
Anyhoo, I'm planning a LOT of things in 2010, serious things like, better budgeting, improving my public speaking skill, investing plan, read Bible, relationship and when will I get married (if I ever).. and escapism things like this blog, my old project with DN, reading the books that I haven't read, meeting new people, burning calories etc. I'll come up with target because wise men said that without proper vision your mission has already failed before you even started (is this even a quote? haha)
But always, always dream big. It doesn't matter how many we have in our hand now, what matter is the limit we set for our dreams.
2009
economy or environment?
just a glimpse through '11th hour'; which I can't watch for long. I still can't stand movies/clips where there is people with possibility of cutting down trees.
I think this is what world need to answer; fast growing economy or environment sustainability.
Fast growing economy has been sacrificing environment. It is a fact, not opinion. Fast growing economy ie. China and previously US has been consuming the most energy that is coal in the world. It has contributed to the global warming but what.. does people in Africa suddenly lives better because the rate of growth in US or China?
Can world wait for a slower economy growth? Because as we face it, fast economy growth is not equal to distribution of wealth. So should we really focus on being the fastest? Do we really competing with another world.. out there?
I think this is what world need to answer; fast growing economy or environment sustainability.
Fast growing economy has been sacrificing environment. It is a fact, not opinion. Fast growing economy ie. China and previously US has been consuming the most energy that is coal in the world. It has contributed to the global warming but what.. does people in Africa suddenly lives better because the rate of growth in US or China?
Can world wait for a slower economy growth? Because as we face it, fast economy growth is not equal to distribution of wealth. So should we really focus on being the fastest? Do we really competing with another world.. out there?
I'm going to miss you forever
Dear Oma,
It is much more quiet down here without you. Not saying that you used talk a lot, but life seems like a little bit emptier. Like something is just not there.
Like every time I'm coming home from work and you wait there, on the couch, part asleep part watching sinetron. Oh, I'm going to miss your smile! The one that kept me from going into my room and change. Just another sentence, just another conversation.
Not only the small things, but also the big things.. Like your prayers for my birthday? I feel soooo special. Like I'm your only grandchild :) Then you'll hand me an envelope with some money and a written letter. I bet if you have the luxury of time, you were going to be a writer. With that beautiful hand writing, I don't think you'll ever need a blog to write your novel.
Now I live without regrets not making you happy Oma. Seeing how you got up from bed, even after not wanting to have dinner, but because the ICE CREAM I brought! Oma I guess, God has better things than ice cream up there. So I have to give away all my Baskin and Robbins voucher now you're gone.
I will always love you, Oma. You know what, I used to be very scared of losing you when I was five or six. I'd kept all your gift and took it to bed with me. Looking at it at night (melancholy start early, yes?) and thinking how long do I have the time to spend with you. Well, I couldn't lie, until end of high school I was really afraid that you'll leave when I'm not with you. That's my main reason for going to 7-hour flight to Australia instead of 24-hour flight to Holland although I have already learned Dutch, remember? Anyway, I grew up knowing you enough and part of you will always live within me. Assurance of your love is probably the closest thing in my life to what Jesus has for all of us.
You might have left us, but I know you'll always live in us through your love and your faith. The greatest thing that you ever passed on to us is that you find your strength and trust in Jesus. More valuable than gold. I'm so thankful you were my Oma.
I'll be seeing you in due time. We love you.
Hugs and kisses,
your only granddaughter
It is much more quiet down here without you. Not saying that you used talk a lot, but life seems like a little bit emptier. Like something is just not there.
Like every time I'm coming home from work and you wait there, on the couch, part asleep part watching sinetron. Oh, I'm going to miss your smile! The one that kept me from going into my room and change. Just another sentence, just another conversation.
Not only the small things, but also the big things.. Like your prayers for my birthday? I feel soooo special. Like I'm your only grandchild :) Then you'll hand me an envelope with some money and a written letter. I bet if you have the luxury of time, you were going to be a writer. With that beautiful hand writing, I don't think you'll ever need a blog to write your novel.
Now I live without regrets not making you happy Oma. Seeing how you got up from bed, even after not wanting to have dinner, but because the ICE CREAM I brought! Oma I guess, God has better things than ice cream up there. So I have to give away all my Baskin and Robbins voucher now you're gone.
I will always love you, Oma. You know what, I used to be very scared of losing you when I was five or six. I'd kept all your gift and took it to bed with me. Looking at it at night (melancholy start early, yes?) and thinking how long do I have the time to spend with you. Well, I couldn't lie, until end of high school I was really afraid that you'll leave when I'm not with you. That's my main reason for going to 7-hour flight to Australia instead of 24-hour flight to Holland although I have already learned Dutch, remember? Anyway, I grew up knowing you enough and part of you will always live within me. Assurance of your love is probably the closest thing in my life to what Jesus has for all of us.
You might have left us, but I know you'll always live in us through your love and your faith. The greatest thing that you ever passed on to us is that you find your strength and trust in Jesus. More valuable than gold. I'm so thankful you were my Oma.
I'll be seeing you in due time. We love you.
Hugs and kisses,
your only granddaughter
"it takes another generation.."
since I have been off the blog for a while, let me return with some thoughtful message :))
I had a meeting two weeks ago with a very nice businessman and his son. He is currently undertaking a project which his company had won few years ago but it turned out not enough money (and expertise) he could offer to really jump-start the development. We were supposed to talk about this project then somehow the lunch turned into discussion on why is it so awfully hard to build this country.
He said the problem lies on two things: lack of trust and very short-term view on life. He assured us that it was neither the President nor the VP's who are at fault, but it is the system that require reform.
The lack of trust among the ministry department, I could gauge. Yet, it bothers me that people in power do not have the long-term view of this country development. For instance, they would prefer to get re-elected in their province by opposing development that in a short term will require certain sacrifice yet in the long term would benefit their children. It is rather sickening, because people are forgetting that with power comes great responsibility.
But then it dawn to me that bureaucracy will always be there. He said, "It will take another generation to change the way people think." Well, I guess OUR generation could take the bureaucracy reform, if we are making ourselves available. Sumpah Pemuda had proven us that younger generation has the idealism, the sense of urgency, the nationalism to drive a country into a better state.
So when the torch is being transferred, I hope we are ready to build this country into a greater one.
I had a meeting two weeks ago with a very nice businessman and his son. He is currently undertaking a project which his company had won few years ago but it turned out not enough money (and expertise) he could offer to really jump-start the development. We were supposed to talk about this project then somehow the lunch turned into discussion on why is it so awfully hard to build this country.
He said the problem lies on two things: lack of trust and very short-term view on life. He assured us that it was neither the President nor the VP's who are at fault, but it is the system that require reform.
The lack of trust among the ministry department, I could gauge. Yet, it bothers me that people in power do not have the long-term view of this country development. For instance, they would prefer to get re-elected in their province by opposing development that in a short term will require certain sacrifice yet in the long term would benefit their children. It is rather sickening, because people are forgetting that with power comes great responsibility.
But then it dawn to me that bureaucracy will always be there. He said, "It will take another generation to change the way people think." Well, I guess OUR generation could take the bureaucracy reform, if we are making ourselves available. Sumpah Pemuda had proven us that younger generation has the idealism, the sense of urgency, the nationalism to drive a country into a better state.
So when the torch is being transferred, I hope we are ready to build this country into a greater one.
"Ask not what your country can do to you. Ask what you can do to your country." Kennedy
Ah, being young and irresponsible..
As promised to Idhy, I'll write this with as much dignity as possible. anyway, I limited the people who could see the note.. I hope it works and the secret is safe hoho
So I had just finished gym and was sitting in my car with engine on and radio on, eating froyo with fruits, waiting for traffic to clear up, when a very familiar intro was playing in the car :) Then the first word, "Dannnnn," I was laughing inside, "Dann bila esook..." laughed audibly. I put down the froyo and reached for my phone to share the moment with Idhy (who of course pissed off) (For those who forgot and need to be reminded, it is a song Dan by Sheila on 7)
Well, I'm sorry that I brought up such a 'katro' moment and ruin our already improved life, far away from kekatroan SMP?! Pardon me for being nostalgic (and melancholic) but I miss you girls after hearing the songs.. It's too bad that a questionable song by not-so-exist-band-anymore reminds me of you and our time rehearsing the band in some weird studio in PJMI then showcasing in Pendopo... Would it be better if it was piano concerto of something something? No right? With you, I have hit the rock bottom heehee
Well, not only that, many of many memories returning as the songs played on.. like the afternoon we spent playing basketball (or only watching the boys played one) with Vania as the captain, Andrini's obsession with blue and yellow (then red, then pink), couples drama, fights over boys, applying for Gadsam, going to Gadsam, taking picture with the very band I was listening to in the radio.. many many more stupidity to follow (which I prefer not to disclose)
It is so embarrassingly katro, but sweet indeed.
Kekatroan aside, I just realized how much you girls have made my days for three years (three years that we hope never existed, I know..) Love you all and hope to get to see you all very very soon :)
Result of googling, swear: they have the vidclip of the song in youtube!
So I had just finished gym and was sitting in my car with engine on and radio on, eating froyo with fruits, waiting for traffic to clear up, when a very familiar intro was playing in the car :) Then the first word, "Dannnnn," I was laughing inside, "Dann bila esook..." laughed audibly. I put down the froyo and reached for my phone to share the moment with Idhy (who of course pissed off) (For those who forgot and need to be reminded, it is a song Dan by Sheila on 7)
Well, I'm sorry that I brought up such a 'katro' moment and ruin our already improved life, far away from kekatroan SMP?! Pardon me for being nostalgic (and melancholic) but I miss you girls after hearing the songs.. It's too bad that a questionable song by not-so-exist-band-anymore reminds me of you and our time rehearsing the band in some weird studio in PJMI then showcasing in Pendopo... Would it be better if it was piano concerto of something something? No right? With you, I have hit the rock bottom heehee
Well, not only that, many of many memories returning as the songs played on.. like the afternoon we spent playing basketball (or only watching the boys played one) with Vania as the captain, Andrini's obsession with blue and yellow (then red, then pink), couples drama, fights over boys, applying for Gadsam, going to Gadsam, taking picture with the very band I was listening to in the radio.. many many more stupidity to follow (which I prefer not to disclose)
It is so embarrassingly katro, but sweet indeed.
Kekatroan aside, I just realized how much you girls have made my days for three years (three years that we hope never existed, I know..) Love you all and hope to get to see you all very very soon :)
Result of googling, swear: they have the vidclip of the song in youtube!
called it 'a trip to doraemon land'
so, I spend a week of 2009 summer basking in Japan sun (sounds more delicious than what had happened) getting tanner than usual, I think. here are few of my favorite pics (which I took using my new bday present haha)~ I think I need to take some photography class ^^v, the rest is uploaded in my Facebook album
1. love how Japanese bike everywhere. wish I could ride a bike
2. how come they make tiny house look adorable..
3. .. or how they make everything look adorable
4. hidden temple looking so lush, in that heat
growing apart
people grow and sometime in a way you don't want them to be
they may exceed your expectation
and start running way ahead of you..
leaving you in dust, thinking, why does things end?
or you are the one running ahead
reaching your goals while they stop and lurk
and you might not realize it until one day
you turn around, thinking, why do they drag me down?
why people grow apart?
how people grow together in the first place?
they may exceed your expectation
and start running way ahead of you..
leaving you in dust, thinking, why does things end?
or you are the one running ahead
reaching your goals while they stop and lurk
and you might not realize it until one day
you turn around, thinking, why do they drag me down?
why people grow apart?
how people grow together in the first place?
luck and blessing
For the luckiest girls I know.. and the most blessed one :)
Sometime.. I use luck and blessing inter-changing-ly. Why? Because while I know the meaning is not really the same, it does provoke similar response: that the recipient get something that she/he doesn't realllyyy deserve but receiving it anyway.. In my view, luck is more a random action upon the receiver.. while blessings is used to acknowledge that there is greater power that disburse the 'happiness'. In other word it depend on whether we are spiritual/not. Or is it?
My parent keep on telling me this one-liner every time I feel stressed out, which usually happen as exam draw nears *haha*: "Study as hard as you can, but when the time comes, let God take over." It helps, honestly, every other time. The other odds, the stress level is too high that I still need to have control over it and ended up tired or failing.
But I believe, giving up control is part of which why some people can be lucky or blessed. It's not the formula for luck though, (what's in life that has formula except math and science?) maybe more how-to.
I used to think that all I need to do is work hard enough that I know exactly the outcome is driven by me and me alone. But now I started to suspect that luck/bless factor is indeed exist. Let me put it this way: luck/blessing is the premium to our fruit of labor, factor that determine the magnitude of impact on our work, and we deserve it.
Sometime.. I use luck and blessing inter-changing-ly. Why? Because while I know the meaning is not really the same, it does provoke similar response: that the recipient get something that she/he doesn't realllyyy deserve but receiving it anyway.. In my view, luck is more a random action upon the receiver.. while blessings is used to acknowledge that there is greater power that disburse the 'happiness'. In other word it depend on whether we are spiritual/not. Or is it?
My parent keep on telling me this one-liner every time I feel stressed out, which usually happen as exam draw nears *haha*: "Study as hard as you can, but when the time comes, let God take over." It helps, honestly, every other time. The other odds, the stress level is too high that I still need to have control over it and ended up tired or failing.
But I believe, giving up control is part of which why some people can be lucky or blessed. It's not the formula for luck though, (what's in life that has formula except math and science?) maybe more how-to.
I used to think that all I need to do is work hard enough that I know exactly the outcome is driven by me and me alone. But now I started to suspect that luck/bless factor is indeed exist. Let me put it this way: luck/blessing is the premium to our fruit of labor, factor that determine the magnitude of impact on our work, and we deserve it.
working has new meaning
I actually can't complain really with Ms. Coach now being my new boss. She has brought new meaning of working under pressure. Like huge pressure that you could see how my writings are becoming scattered or shattered (and whatever message I'm trying to convey). Pressure like deadline has new meaning. And still I'm blogging right now.
But I'm excited to see how far I could push myself this time.
Anyway, I'm blaming my work writings (those 10,000words of report, 100words in business emails), to the lacking of my creative writings. Like it has raped my imagination. I can't write one sentence without sounding vague. (As if I haven't always do so..)
Good thing, I'm glad I have better view now in the office, literally and figuratively. So me, as a middle-class working girl, I'll just suck it all in :) Happy working
But I'm excited to see how far I could push myself this time.
Anyway, I'm blaming my work writings (those 10,000words of report, 100words in business emails), to the lacking of my creative writings. Like it has raped my imagination. I can't write one sentence without sounding vague. (As if I haven't always do so..)
Good thing, I'm glad I have better view now in the office, literally and figuratively. So me, as a middle-class working girl, I'll just suck it all in :) Happy working
friends
It was the 80s, the disco ball, the crazy colors and hoop earrings. My mother was my age living under the same roof with three other girls she called best friend knowing nothing for the future (including how her daughter would use her as an example of what friendship is for).
Coming from very different background, ethnicity, religion, they were installed together in a house with no parents supervision (they were younger than I am now). So becoming sisters are just like a second nature (all the fighting, the partying argh, I can only imagine from the picture they took).
Five of them are very different physically, one is tall, one is petite, one is athletic, one is stick skinny, one is curvy. Yet they compromise and create rules for sharing everything, including clothes. For the petite, buy jeans half size up, for the curvy, buy jeans half size down. Same rule goes for shoes. But never under garment, because bust is a bit hard to be compromised, or so they said. (And isn't it not hygienic hoho) But it was sort of the traveling pants of sisterhood or something.
Anyway, I used to envy my mother for her tight knit of friendship with my aunties (or my other mothers as they insisted), her best friend from the flight attending years. As a daughter it is easy to think that my life to fall into the same path as theirs, having my own set of friends and become as close as sisters.
Well I have accumulate few of my own along the way, eliminate those who apparently don't value friendship as it is and keep those who do. I hope I am being one, a good one.
Coming from very different background, ethnicity, religion, they were installed together in a house with no parents supervision (they were younger than I am now). So becoming sisters are just like a second nature (all the fighting, the partying argh, I can only imagine from the picture they took).
Five of them are very different physically, one is tall, one is petite, one is athletic, one is stick skinny, one is curvy. Yet they compromise and create rules for sharing everything, including clothes. For the petite, buy jeans half size up, for the curvy, buy jeans half size down. Same rule goes for shoes. But never under garment, because bust is a bit hard to be compromised, or so they said. (And isn't it not hygienic hoho) But it was sort of the traveling pants of sisterhood or something.
Anyway, I used to envy my mother for her tight knit of friendship with my aunties (or my other mothers as they insisted), her best friend from the flight attending years. As a daughter it is easy to think that my life to fall into the same path as theirs, having my own set of friends and become as close as sisters.
Well I have accumulate few of my own along the way, eliminate those who apparently don't value friendship as it is and keep those who do. I hope I am being one, a good one.
cubicle lies
in a small cubicle I pondered upon what life gives
aside from carry on bags, lots of booze, sleepless night
aside from greenish color of faces, dry hands and feet, hair sprayed hair
enough for me to want, not enough for me to need
oh need
if need is imminent I'll puffed one in here
fly my brain to the country where blue, red and lavender are the colors
swinging from one skyline to another, like that over rated
monkey boy and his territorial jungle
i embrace my cubicle
down there with the ants, up here with the eagles or nowhere with dragon miseries
spacious, breathes, malicious
tuck me into the silk cover so here come warm
let me endure
when too much of plotting is done~
Figure above is the positive correlation between my weight and Jakarta Composite IndexNow I'm just tired from plotting all different scenarios of possible correlation. Like how much stock will rise from the expectation of VP Boediono? How much stock will slump on the backdrop of Prez Mega? Just saying.
Enough politics for tonight. Back to Zie's weight and JCI index. Love the graph, but I think I need to take CFA test again and see how it is inversely related with my weight.
speaking word of faith
so, my ex-boss, Ms Coach (as her fave bag brand and her super-ability to coach/mentor me) decided to return to the Investment Banking market once again and she, surprise surprise, chose the IB House that I'm currently working in. I couldn't complain though, this is just like a April blessing for me because I adore Ms. Coach since forever. OK. I could continue gushing but it'll take another para to fill all in while I want to write about is a blessing in disguise.
in the afternoon after I'd received my pink slip (still easier to say than 'laid off'), Ms. S and I sat in the Pacific Place Coffee Bean, trying to cheer each other up. We sat on the compound of coach looking over to Jakarta Stock Exchange, the very place where we just got kicked out from. We laughed over some satirical joke, over the irony of the situation while trying to hide our shock and tears.
being ever two ambitious girls we discussed about what we are going to do next. well, I did plan to get off the country as soon as I could ditch the CFA test while Ms. S plan to work for Ms. Coach pro-bono (Ms. Coach has her own fund business, unfortunately it also collapsed following the global stock market meltdown), as long as she could stay in the business, that what she said. Although not long, we returned to the topic that clouded our head.
at that time, the very Bible verse that I remember was the one about how God has this grand plan and pieces are falling into its places just as how God want it to be. Then I had the urge to challenge my faith and tested God's statement on how faithful he is. So I said over and over, loudly to Ms. S, that I know this happens for something that I don't know yet but I just knew that the plan is going to be beautiful that when the time comes I'd be sharing the words of joy and gratefulness.
maybe the fact that Ms. Coach is back into the business and becoming my boss is one of the beautiful result that I thought back then (If I have to tell the story about how Ms. Coach was getting the job, you'd think that it is some sort of scenario that I had made up~) or maybe it is just one of the pieces that falling into places for me to get to the finish line.
Either way God, He has some decent sense of humour! He put in our heart an emergency button called faith, that during the times of no hope, we could turn it on and start believing that there are hopes although we couldn't see it with our physical eyes.
I'm learning, from the small thing such jobs, to bigger things like love. I'm still learning.
in the afternoon after I'd received my pink slip (still easier to say than 'laid off'), Ms. S and I sat in the Pacific Place Coffee Bean, trying to cheer each other up. We sat on the compound of coach looking over to Jakarta Stock Exchange, the very place where we just got kicked out from. We laughed over some satirical joke, over the irony of the situation while trying to hide our shock and tears.
being ever two ambitious girls we discussed about what we are going to do next. well, I did plan to get off the country as soon as I could ditch the CFA test while Ms. S plan to work for Ms. Coach pro-bono (Ms. Coach has her own fund business, unfortunately it also collapsed following the global stock market meltdown), as long as she could stay in the business, that what she said. Although not long, we returned to the topic that clouded our head.
at that time, the very Bible verse that I remember was the one about how God has this grand plan and pieces are falling into its places just as how God want it to be. Then I had the urge to challenge my faith and tested God's statement on how faithful he is. So I said over and over, loudly to Ms. S, that I know this happens for something that I don't know yet but I just knew that the plan is going to be beautiful that when the time comes I'd be sharing the words of joy and gratefulness.
maybe the fact that Ms. Coach is back into the business and becoming my boss is one of the beautiful result that I thought back then (If I have to tell the story about how Ms. Coach was getting the job, you'd think that it is some sort of scenario that I had made up~) or maybe it is just one of the pieces that falling into places for me to get to the finish line.
Either way God, He has some decent sense of humour! He put in our heart an emergency button called faith, that during the times of no hope, we could turn it on and start believing that there are hopes although we couldn't see it with our physical eyes.
I'm learning, from the small thing such jobs, to bigger things like love. I'm still learning.
plant a tree
the left corner side of my office table(OK, it was with the help of props :$)
I think I need to add to my 2009 resolution: to start planting a tree.
pushing Jessie
what if I never met you/would I ever learn.. to laugh endlessly?/to dare myself gambling my heart?/and to be.. vulnerable?/to feel that life is truly unfair for the unloved?/to know that only the luckiest who didn't see it coming, just like a supernova never schedule an appearance?/to experience what it's like to get back on my feet after falling, falling hard and failing?/...would I ever be passionately in love?/and in the same time rationally in love?
my first ever theory..
It was one afternoon in the kindergarten class, hot and noisy. It would be easy to be distracted with the numbers of kid kicking and screaming, but you won’t miss me. I was the chubby pupil sitting nicely on the back right side of the class, with huge curly hair tied by scrunches (it was 80s) on top of my head. I was the only one with huge curl hair and one of the tallest girls in class (thus the back seat), Mini Amazonian in two word.
The class was busy after we finished our art craft class, the last subject for the day while our teachers tried to calm us down and prepared us to go home. Not long, most of the kids have sat on their own little chair with bags on top of the table eager to go home to their own life.
Our teachers called us to be quiet so we could have a going home pray, one of them ask us to close our eyes. Suddenly, I asked myself, ‘Why do we have to close our eyes?’ I looked around the class and see some girls already closed their eyes following our teacher command.
Then came the weirdest question of all that makes me breach the ‘close your eyes rule’ for the first time ever, ‘Is there any secret that the teachers are hiding from us? Maybe we are all taken to heaven while praying and the teacher want to keep it as secret! But, I want to see heaven!’ [Here come investigative analyst on your way..] I decided there and then, to see with my own eyes, what happened when we closed our eyes while praying. So I decided to peek.
I closed my eyes preparing for the pray, the teacher delivered her first sentence, “Our Father who art in Heaven..” My heart beat faster, NOW, all the children must have been taken to the heaven! I waited for good timing and when the teachers started her second sentence, I squinted while holding my breath.
The class remained full, most of the pupil put their little hand on the table, some boys peeked like I did.. but none of them disappeared. And the class looked just like the same, nothing reminisce of heaven that I typically saw in the pictures with angels, cloud, gold trumpets. (Although now, I believe it could be a heavenly moment for the teacher; quiet class room with no kids crying or kicking their friends.)
In the end, I was a bit disappointed because I saw no heaven. And although I should’ve thought that my hypothesis is null, I refused to surrender. For a little while I still think that it is true. And the reason why the boys and I can’t see heaven is because we are opening our eyes and breaking the rules.
OH dear, I should’ve known better. Well, I came a long way from then on, learning that the essence of praying is not on the physical routine such closing the eyes, but it is one of the outcomes of us immersed in our prayers.
So here it was, my first memories of having a theory. A silly, imaginative, naive one.
The class was busy after we finished our art craft class, the last subject for the day while our teachers tried to calm us down and prepared us to go home. Not long, most of the kids have sat on their own little chair with bags on top of the table eager to go home to their own life.
Our teachers called us to be quiet so we could have a going home pray, one of them ask us to close our eyes. Suddenly, I asked myself, ‘Why do we have to close our eyes?’ I looked around the class and see some girls already closed their eyes following our teacher command.
Then came the weirdest question of all that makes me breach the ‘close your eyes rule’ for the first time ever, ‘Is there any secret that the teachers are hiding from us? Maybe we are all taken to heaven while praying and the teacher want to keep it as secret! But, I want to see heaven!’ [Here come investigative analyst on your way..] I decided there and then, to see with my own eyes, what happened when we closed our eyes while praying. So I decided to peek.
I closed my eyes preparing for the pray, the teacher delivered her first sentence, “Our Father who art in Heaven..” My heart beat faster, NOW, all the children must have been taken to the heaven! I waited for good timing and when the teachers started her second sentence, I squinted while holding my breath.
The class remained full, most of the pupil put their little hand on the table, some boys peeked like I did.. but none of them disappeared. And the class looked just like the same, nothing reminisce of heaven that I typically saw in the pictures with angels, cloud, gold trumpets. (Although now, I believe it could be a heavenly moment for the teacher; quiet class room with no kids crying or kicking their friends.)
In the end, I was a bit disappointed because I saw no heaven. And although I should’ve thought that my hypothesis is null, I refused to surrender. For a little while I still think that it is true. And the reason why the boys and I can’t see heaven is because we are opening our eyes and breaking the rules.
OH dear, I should’ve known better. Well, I came a long way from then on, learning that the essence of praying is not on the physical routine such closing the eyes, but it is one of the outcomes of us immersed in our prayers.
So here it was, my first memories of having a theory. A silly, imaginative, naive one.
Mat 26.14; Keep watch with prayer, so that you may not be put to the test: the spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is feeble
Pearl Before Breakfast, 2007, Weingarten
Maybe there are millions before me linking their blog to this beautifully written piece, Pearl Before Breakfast by Gene Weingarten (published by Washington Post Staff Writer in 2007).
Anyway, I just read the article this afternoon when a friend emailed me the article. It read “Slow down in 2009” in the subject line so I thought it must have been the one of many articles that encourages you to slow down, look around and appreciate the beauty that life has to offer rather than focusing on work and recession and global turmoil. Yadda yadda..
But then I read the preface and got hooked.
For those who hasn’t read the article, it is about the experiment made by the WP and Joshua Bell, a young virtuoso, who the latter played as a street musician, dressed down like one and took a stand in the busy Metro in Washington. It is far cry from his typical performance where people pay a minimum of US$100 per seat and a standing ovation thereafter.
Well, aside from the good article (won Pulitzer, hey?), it really does remind me, to breath (because I usually hold my breath while working), to smile, to talk, to hug, to look at someone in the eyes and say that I care, to prioritize...
because routines could have its way swaying me from what really is important: my life.
To end this, quotes below are ones that I really really really like and take to heart:
The poet Billy Collins once laughingly observed that all babies are born with knowledge of poetry, because the lub-dub of the mother's heart is in iambic meter. Then, Collins said, life slowly starts to choke the poetry out of us.
And then there was Calvin Myint, he had no memory that there had been a musician anywhere in sight. There's nothing wrong with Myint's hearing. He had buds in his ear. He was listening to his iPod.
For many of us, the explosion in technology has perversely limited, not expanded, our exposure to new experiences. ...And with iPods, we hear what we already know; we program our own playlists.
It's about failing to see the beauty of what's plainly in front of your eyes.
We're busy. Americans have been busy, as a people, since at least 1831, when a young French sociologist named Alexis de Tocqueville visited the States and found himself impressed, bemused and slightly dismayed at the degree to which people were driven, to the exclusion of everything else, by hard work and the accumulation of wealth.
When Picarello was growing up in New York, he studied violin seriously, intending to be a concert musician. But he gave it up at 18, when he decided he'd never be good enough to make it pay. Life does that to you sometimes. Sometimes, you have to do the prudent thing. So he went into another line of work. He's a supervisor at the U.S. Postal Service. Doesn't play the violin much, anymore.
it's soothing..
Source: Honestly I can't remember where I downloaded this bedroom picture. So if anyone want me to take this down for not stating the source.. I'd.. do.. that..
status ridden relationship
When I was first announced my relationship with my current boyfriend back in high school, a couple of my best friends told me that they think I was only in it [relationship] to have the status. You know, girlfriend status.
I was upset surely (although I love them for it.. eventually), but not all of the statement is untrue. Looking back, I jumped into the ‘relationship’ fast enough before knowing all of his character and quality. Of course it triggered suspicion from my closest friends. At the very least, they show me how they really care about me.
I was upset surely (although I love them for it.. eventually), but not all of the statement is untrue. Looking back, I jumped into the ‘relationship’ fast enough before knowing all of his character and quality. Of course it triggered suspicion from my closest friends. At the very least, they show me how they really care about me.
My reason for declaring the relationship? I don’t know. I just fell hard in love (pardon me, I was only 18! Haha as if age was the reason.. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic and he swept me off my feet.) Although to be honest, I never thought I would be staying in this relationship for so long.
In my defense, it wasn’t 100% status ridden relationship. I wasn’t looking for status since I was considered traitor by several girl in my 12th grade class for having a boyfriend. Back then, jomblo was the way. Haha. And I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend five years ago. I was satisfied with my life and my achievement and my best girl friends.. it is not that I need anyone to fill the void in my life.
In my defense, it wasn’t 100% status ridden relationship. I wasn’t looking for status since I was considered traitor by several girl in my 12th grade class for having a boyfriend. Back then, jomblo was the way. Haha. And I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend five years ago. I was satisfied with my life and my achievement and my best girl friends.. it is not that I need anyone to fill the void in my life.
Honestly, in the beginning I didn’t think highly of him. I only expect him to be funny and get me laughing all day. After a while, he began earning my respect and nowadays I could say great things about him, not only for making my days but also for pushing me toward my goals and taught me to be more a committed and discipline person.
Anyway, today is my 75th month knowing him and he’s been a great, great company. We had our moments; stupid (mostly), crazy, endearing and sad.
But in the end all is sweet. Let's just pray and hope that there are more months to come.
PS: Anyway, when I told him the fact that it is our 75th month he said.. "Oh, sebentar lagi 100 dong yah.." "Stupido, it's going to be another 2 years to reach that point!" He's sort of slow in math considering he's a businessman heehee..
PS: Anyway, when I told him the fact that it is our 75th month he said.. "Oh, sebentar lagi 100 dong yah.." "Stupido, it's going to be another 2 years to reach that point!" He's sort of slow in math considering he's a businessman heehee..
"Are you.. (silent) getting fatter?"
If you ever gained 10kg out of eating then you'll understand what I'm talking about. You'll hate the statement, "Are you fatter?" that your friends or relative sprout while looking sympathetic at you. Really? Sympathy?
That was my Friday-moved-to-Sunday talk with K. We finished our weekend gym routine (cardio-standing in awe of the pool-sauna-steam) then hungry enough to eat so much of mayo-full sushi/salad/takoyaki.
I guess we both had the experience of being in an unshapely form of a female (sorry babe) during our uni year gaining more than 10kilos due to a diet of KFC, Nando's and huge single portion of chinese food for lunch and dinner and no sport. (Well, she went for gym while I pretend I didn't need one) We didn't really care though at that time, being an Asian in a country populated by big boned caucasian was an advantage.
Then come Summer holiday and we're packing our way home. One of our girlfriend even got into panic attack the week leading to our departure date. But she has the right to be panic, we must have been looking like 'giantess' compare to the Indonesian liliputh.
Well, we did. But now, after living in Jakarta for almost three years, I am almost my high-school weight again. Why, you may ask. Here's K answers:
1. Food portion here is way smaller. Which is so true, portion in Melbourne is twice of what we are eating here and we usually eat it up to the very last rice. So basically food in Indo is not necessarily cheaper. It is just smaller and fit our stomach perfectly.
2. Mother's dietting factor. My mom is not that bad, but I know that K's mom is (again, sorry babe). But then again maybe my Mom is rather lazy and she usually told me to exercise rather than cutting my food intake. K told me that her mom watched her food portion. Well, we did ate a whole chicken at once so maybe we were a tad over the top.
3. Peer pressure. As I told you before, about my girlfriend who freaked out going back to Jakarta. Have you seen girls here? Small. Tiny. Ugh. Thennnnn.. extended family who usually said, "Kak, are you gaining weight?" "Kak, your ass look big." Then friends who told you to reduce your eating portion and praised you once you were losing some weight. Those carrot and stick approach is sickening but very effective.
Anyway, above all those losing weight tips, I guess being healthy is more important than being skinny. Haha. Learned it the hard way. (But being skinny and healthy is always another option).
Watch what you're eating. Green is good (although gross). Water is supposed to be your BFF. Exercise well. And for me.. no more fried food (dammit).
That was my Friday-moved-to-Sunday talk with K. We finished our weekend gym routine (cardio-standing in awe of the pool-sauna-steam) then hungry enough to eat so much of mayo-full sushi/salad/takoyaki.
I guess we both had the experience of being in an unshapely form of a female (sorry babe) during our uni year gaining more than 10kilos due to a diet of KFC, Nando's and huge single portion of chinese food for lunch and dinner and no sport. (Well, she went for gym while I pretend I didn't need one) We didn't really care though at that time, being an Asian in a country populated by big boned caucasian was an advantage.
Then come Summer holiday and we're packing our way home. One of our girlfriend even got into panic attack the week leading to our departure date. But she has the right to be panic, we must have been looking like 'giantess' compare to the Indonesian liliputh.
Well, we did. But now, after living in Jakarta for almost three years, I am almost my high-school weight again. Why, you may ask. Here's K answers:
1. Food portion here is way smaller. Which is so true, portion in Melbourne is twice of what we are eating here and we usually eat it up to the very last rice. So basically food in Indo is not necessarily cheaper. It is just smaller and fit our stomach perfectly.
2. Mother's dietting factor. My mom is not that bad, but I know that K's mom is (again, sorry babe). But then again maybe my Mom is rather lazy and she usually told me to exercise rather than cutting my food intake. K told me that her mom watched her food portion. Well, we did ate a whole chicken at once so maybe we were a tad over the top.
3. Peer pressure. As I told you before, about my girlfriend who freaked out going back to Jakarta. Have you seen girls here? Small. Tiny. Ugh. Thennnnn.. extended family who usually said, "Kak, are you gaining weight?" "Kak, your ass look big." Then friends who told you to reduce your eating portion and praised you once you were losing some weight. Those carrot and stick approach is sickening but very effective.
Anyway, above all those losing weight tips, I guess being healthy is more important than being skinny. Haha. Learned it the hard way. (But being skinny and healthy is always another option).
Watch what you're eating. Green is good (although gross). Water is supposed to be your BFF. Exercise well. And for me.. no more fried food (dammit).
play fetch (then) run
you could tell me to lay here,
put there,
eat some,
come with,
and i'll say yes
but Monsieur
if I tell you to lay there,
put here,
eat more,
come with,
you'll say no
easy
just no~
so how should I know
if you ever..
even in like..
with me?
put there,
eat some,
come with,
and i'll say yes
but Monsieur
if I tell you to lay there,
put here,
eat more,
come with,
you'll say no
easy
just no~
so how should I know
if you ever..
even in like..
with me?
Pee-Aim-Sssss
Hoho. Dirty little title.
Three little letters which I believe created to justified girls' bipolar emotion so boys won't think us of being crazy. Well, maybe it has some scientific truth in it, if you want to believe it.
Below is three points of my justification of the non-existence of PMS.
1. Girls get emotional during PMS? No. We are emotional little thing, aren't we? But if we get emotional, it is when we tried to get the attention. And you better have it our way. Otherwise, do you want girls to have PMS all year round? No. You'd prefer a few days per month. So it's a win-win situation.
2. The bloating and huge water retention. I felt big during PMS. Is it? Or does the eyes playing tricks? But do play with us that our eyes are not playing tricks. We "do" retain more water and salt during the time of the month so our jeans got a lil bit "tighter". Play this denial card and you won't get girl slap you for saying that she's gained weight.
3. Increasing level of craving for something sweet. Oh please, this is just so transparent, no??! Do I really have to say anything further? Chocolate is our best friend, right after diamonds and gay guys. We need justification to pig out once a month.
I better stop at three. Well, the medical world may have better explanation than mine. (Better and truer). Nonetheless, maybe this is scientifically proven, maybe it is just drama created by us, the repressed side of the gender. Haha, right.
Anyway, I thought this whole drama during PMS thing only happened to me. But then again, I was proven wrong. The universe screamed, "Not that special, honey!" Funny things this PMS. (And by funny I mean 'locoooo')
PS: This post importance (or the lack of it) has raised my own eyebrows. I just need to vent. Sorry readers.
Three little letters which I believe created to justified girls' bipolar emotion so boys won't think us of being crazy. Well, maybe it has some scientific truth in it, if you want to believe it.
Below is three points of my justification of the non-existence of PMS.
1. Girls get emotional during PMS? No. We are emotional little thing, aren't we? But if we get emotional, it is when we tried to get the attention. And you better have it our way. Otherwise, do you want girls to have PMS all year round? No. You'd prefer a few days per month. So it's a win-win situation.
2. The bloating and huge water retention. I felt big during PMS. Is it? Or does the eyes playing tricks? But do play with us that our eyes are not playing tricks. We "do" retain more water and salt during the time of the month so our jeans got a lil bit "tighter". Play this denial card and you won't get girl slap you for saying that she's gained weight.
3. Increasing level of craving for something sweet. Oh please, this is just so transparent, no??! Do I really have to say anything further? Chocolate is our best friend, right after diamonds and gay guys. We need justification to pig out once a month.
I better stop at three. Well, the medical world may have better explanation than mine. (Better and truer). Nonetheless, maybe this is scientifically proven, maybe it is just drama created by us, the repressed side of the gender. Haha, right.
Anyway, I thought this whole drama during PMS thing only happened to me. But then again, I was proven wrong. The universe screamed, "Not that special, honey!" Funny things this PMS. (And by funny I mean 'locoooo')
PS: This post importance (or the lack of it) has raised my own eyebrows. I just need to vent. Sorry readers.
Jakarta is the second worst city for work?! Expats, come on!
Read this surveys in Jakarta Post today. Will get the link once it is uploaded in their web.
Funny enough, the expats they interviewed sort of contradicting the result surveys.
10 Worst Cities to Work in
1. Lagos, Nigeria
2. Jakarta, Indonesia
3. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
4. Almaty, Kazakhstan
5. Mumbai, India
6. New Delhi, India
7. Nairobi, Kenya
8. Bogota, Colombia
9. Ho Chi Minh City, Vitenam
10. Chennai, India
OK. This is sad. We are worst than Mumbai in a recent surveys. Don't they remember about Mumbai Massacre? It was only few months back?!
Anyway, have a pleasant day working wherever you are. And please pray for us in Jakarta for having to work in the second worst city for expats. *Sarcastic Tone on* Yipeeeee!
Funny enough, the expats they interviewed sort of contradicting the result surveys.
10 Worst Cities to Work in
1. Lagos, Nigeria
2. Jakarta, Indonesia
3. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
4. Almaty, Kazakhstan
5. Mumbai, India
6. New Delhi, India
7. Nairobi, Kenya
8. Bogota, Colombia
9. Ho Chi Minh City, Vitenam
10. Chennai, India
OK. This is sad. We are worst than Mumbai in a recent surveys. Don't they remember about Mumbai Massacre? It was only few months back?!
Anyway, have a pleasant day working wherever you are. And please pray for us in Jakarta for having to work in the second worst city for expats. *Sarcastic Tone on* Yipeeeee!
did you vote?
Well, I did. I made up my mind at the last minute since I'm not really convinced over this election thing.
Anyway, recent act of electing up anti-pornography law eliminated most of the parties for me. Hoo. At least I felt strongly about something for Indonesia election huh?
Hope you all did. Even if the choice for not making any decision. As long as it is not because you just don't want to drag your lazy ass across the bedroom last Thursday :)
For those who didn't know (which I doubt unless you're residing outside Indonesia), this was circulated through email last Wednesday
recognition, success, or solid team-work?
Were the options that the upbeat trainer asked us, the 20-something new associates, to choose from.
It was afternoon in Sydney and people are already tired after a full day of training and I can bet that their mind already in the next pub that they will hit that night. But the always upbeat Mr. Motivational Speaker asked us to move to respective team at each corner of the room. Clap. Clap. Asking us to make a faster move, while he stood there with huge grin on his face.
Guess what, most of us (including me) were cluttered on the corner that said ‘success’ (success as in whatever we do we is a hit, every day, every project but then in alienate from being recognize by our superiors and being in a solid team).
Maybe it was what we are aiming to be at work. Maybe we are all still young that we want nothing but success, not even a good team to work with nor recognition from our respective superior. Or maybe we were just following the ‘herd’.
So Mr. MS asked each of the team why we are standing where we were.
One of the South Africa older girls from the ‘solid team-work’ group, however, said something that I still remember till today. “I guess when I was younger (she sneered) I would be in that group (pointing at my ‘successful’ group). But now, after working for few years, I thrived to be with people that I could work with.”
What would you choose if you have the option of 1. being recognized, 2. being successful or 3. being in a solid team-work, however in alienation from each other?
(I guess I would be standing with a different peers)
It was afternoon in Sydney and people are already tired after a full day of training and I can bet that their mind already in the next pub that they will hit that night. But the always upbeat Mr. Motivational Speaker asked us to move to respective team at each corner of the room. Clap. Clap. Asking us to make a faster move, while he stood there with huge grin on his face.
Guess what, most of us (including me) were cluttered on the corner that said ‘success’ (success as in whatever we do we is a hit, every day, every project but then in alienate from being recognize by our superiors and being in a solid team).
Maybe it was what we are aiming to be at work. Maybe we are all still young that we want nothing but success, not even a good team to work with nor recognition from our respective superior. Or maybe we were just following the ‘herd’.
So Mr. MS asked each of the team why we are standing where we were.
One of the South Africa older girls from the ‘solid team-work’ group, however, said something that I still remember till today. “I guess when I was younger (she sneered) I would be in that group (pointing at my ‘successful’ group). But now, after working for few years, I thrived to be with people that I could work with.”
What would you choose if you have the option of 1. being recognized, 2. being successful or 3. being in a solid team-work, however in alienation from each other?
(I guess I would be standing with a different peers)
vintage surveys
I bet few of my closest high-school friends would remember how I usually asked them to answer my 'silly' questions on a paper. Guess what, I found one of those vintage surveys! This are so funny but I'm going to write it up in Bahasa so it won't loose its originality (I'm not going to put in the names- but only the initials, but I bet you know who you are..). I promise I'm not changing an iota on it.
This one reads: "Our Futures... what do you want to be, OK!"
:p H: Gw mau jd diplomat sukses!! Harus tinggal diluar negri punya green card dan euro card!
E: ROCK STAR!!
T: Gue tentunya pingin banget jadi "newscaster", pinginnya sih CNN/BBC. Live in NY/DC/London. Huaaaa.. tinggi banget impian gue.
DN: Tentunya domisili di luar negri dhunksh!! paling sedikit di S'pore... gue bekereja sebagai fashion editor di majalah VOGUE dan jadi fashion merchandiser di dep store Bloomingdales atau Harrods... dan punya butik namanya Harajukumanic... punya greencard, terus punya pacar si cowok gebetan di gereja gua itu (ouwgh.. i'm so in love with him)
D: gua mo kerja di IBM int. jadi general manager.... asoy... trus side job gua jadi hackernya FBI... jadi gua yang memprotect site-nya FBI and buat film sbg cinematografi... cowok gua jadi business man... yang terkenal seantero dunia.
R: gue mau jadi PR di SM entertainment tempat shinhwa kerja... jadi kalo ada masalah, gue yang turun.. hehe
V: jadi anak angkatnya Bill Gates trus dpt smua warisannya... AMEEN!!
AA: mau jadi dokter (tae.. ah) di rumah sakit mahalan!! ato jadi akuntan di luar negri.. anak dua
AD: Business women, anak dua, suami business man, tajir..
F: kepala designer perusahaan floo.com. gue bikin ndiri perush-nya sampai t'kenal ke uj (ung) dunia 7 turunan. Co(wok) setipe dan ga jauh-jauh amat dr perbidangan gue, arsitek ke'.. (gue ga ksampean kan jd arsitek). Co(wok) gue sejati sehati sejiwa yang takuly.. (Zie: Sumpah gw nggak ngerti ini apaan).. anak gue juga kaya gue dalam bidang art-art gitu.. hehe (maksa) oia, gue jg pengen nerusin di bidang perdebatan.. jadi chief adjudicator.. hehe (tay ah)
IS: business women.. haha ato business girl.. yah geto lah.. jadi pemilik perusahaan komputer terkenal.. seluruh dunia, nyaingin IBM bikin prgram baru ngalahin windows.. trus tajir abesss (tentunya.. haha) tp suami gw jg ga kalah ma gua.. tajir *7-12 turunan* pemilih peursahaan sama terkenalnya ma gua.. tinggal di luar: Amrik, Ing, Prancis ato se engga2nya Spore, anak 2: ce&co.. pokoknya jadi orang yang SUPER SIBUK.. tp bisa bagi waktu
FR: apa ya.. kayaknya sih banyak anak.. yah mungkin 1 anak/tahun.. huahahaha!! apa ya kerja gw.. paling memajukan Purbasari sampe go international.. sampingan mengembangkan toko emasnya si ****.. suami gue = mafia hongkong :) under cover sebagai orang jual emas.. rumah tesebar dimana2, hidup penuh tantangan (apa sih!!).. ga tau ah! masa dpn gw ga jelas!!
I had blast laughing while writing this up. Goodness, how far have we been from that point? I miss you girls so much.
This one reads: "Our Futures... what do you want to be, OK!"
:p H: Gw mau jd diplomat sukses!! Harus tinggal diluar negri punya green card dan euro card!
E: ROCK STAR!!
T: Gue tentunya pingin banget jadi "newscaster", pinginnya sih CNN/BBC. Live in NY/DC/London. Huaaaa.. tinggi banget impian gue.
DN: Tentunya domisili di luar negri dhunksh!! paling sedikit di S'pore... gue bekereja sebagai fashion editor di majalah VOGUE dan jadi fashion merchandiser di dep store Bloomingdales atau Harrods... dan punya butik namanya Harajukumanic... punya greencard, terus punya pacar si cowok gebetan di gereja gua itu (ouwgh.. i'm so in love with him)
D: gua mo kerja di IBM int. jadi general manager.... asoy... trus side job gua jadi hackernya FBI... jadi gua yang memprotect site-nya FBI and buat film sbg cinematografi... cowok gua jadi business man... yang terkenal seantero dunia.
R: gue mau jadi PR di SM entertainment tempat shinhwa kerja... jadi kalo ada masalah, gue yang turun.. hehe
V: jadi anak angkatnya Bill Gates trus dpt smua warisannya... AMEEN!!
AA: mau jadi dokter (tae.. ah) di rumah sakit mahalan!! ato jadi akuntan di luar negri.. anak dua
AD: Business women, anak dua, suami business man, tajir..
F: kepala designer perusahaan floo.com. gue bikin ndiri perush-nya sampai t'kenal ke uj (ung) dunia 7 turunan. Co(wok) setipe dan ga jauh-jauh amat dr perbidangan gue, arsitek ke'.. (gue ga ksampean kan jd arsitek). Co(wok) gue sejati sehati sejiwa yang takuly.. (Zie: Sumpah gw nggak ngerti ini apaan).. anak gue juga kaya gue dalam bidang art-art gitu.. hehe (maksa) oia, gue jg pengen nerusin di bidang perdebatan.. jadi chief adjudicator.. hehe (tay ah)
IS: business women.. haha ato business girl.. yah geto lah.. jadi pemilik perusahaan komputer terkenal.. seluruh dunia, nyaingin IBM bikin prgram baru ngalahin windows.. trus tajir abesss (tentunya.. haha) tp suami gw jg ga kalah ma gua.. tajir *7-12 turunan* pemilih peursahaan sama terkenalnya ma gua.. tinggal di luar: Amrik, Ing, Prancis ato se engga2nya Spore, anak 2: ce&co.. pokoknya jadi orang yang SUPER SIBUK.. tp bisa bagi waktu
FR: apa ya.. kayaknya sih banyak anak.. yah mungkin 1 anak/tahun.. huahahaha!! apa ya kerja gw.. paling memajukan Purbasari sampe go international.. sampingan mengembangkan toko emasnya si ****.. suami gue = mafia hongkong :) under cover sebagai orang jual emas.. rumah tesebar dimana2, hidup penuh tantangan (apa sih!!).. ga tau ah! masa dpn gw ga jelas!!
I had blast laughing while writing this up. Goodness, how far have we been from that point? I miss you girls so much.
"..Insomnia is one of the symptom for depression," shrieked
At some point during my university year, I was so afraid that I was in a state of depression as I was crying so much and having minor insomnia problem. (NO, not PMS, I checked!). I could just lay on my bed with eyes pierced to the night sky, restless, unable to sleep and felt the urges to run to Chadstone, quite far from my apartment (Pakubuwono to Thamrin I guess?). Although I never did it.
Being ever so resourceful, I even googled to find out what are the symptoms of depression. Oh yes, few of it suit me very well. I told one of my ‘closest’ friend then how my feelings were a like to people who are depressed, he/she replied, “So what?” Not a sort of reply I would expect but it shook me off back to reality. I stopped thinking about me being depressed (well, not stopped but I restrained myself). I hold myself to think that this world revolves around ‘me’.
Up until now, I could only guess what has driven me being so~ diabolical. I think it has something to do with my low resistance level to pressure and the crazy competitive streak I have buried under my calm exterior. (Ha!). But of course I’m no doctor. Nor I am God.
Anyway, this subject of depression is a bit tricky. People from different stream of knowledge have different opinion on how to handle the depression. Counseling and drugs treatment are two of the main ‘medicine’ choice.
Thus my opinion is a bit subjective: I prefer sharing and writing.
Admit that something bothering you up also help.
And it is not uncommon: it happens at least to two girls I spoke to in the past few days. So it's not like you're crazy.
BUT self-restrain is important, don't let the 'depression' or the 'emotional' state allows us to take pity on ourselves. So I guess switching our attention from ourselves to others in need, is one of the way.
Of course, this is my take. Meanwhile some cases are just need special attention; so I'll let it up to people who are entitled to it.
Anyway, this talk about depression makes me miss my Melbourne so much. Urm.
[Photo 3+4 courtesy of Mr. Kurkur]
Being ever so resourceful, I even googled to find out what are the symptoms of depression. Oh yes, few of it suit me very well. I told one of my ‘closest’ friend then how my feelings were a like to people who are depressed, he/she replied, “So what?” Not a sort of reply I would expect but it shook me off back to reality. I stopped thinking about me being depressed (well, not stopped but I restrained myself). I hold myself to think that this world revolves around ‘me’.
Up until now, I could only guess what has driven me being so~ diabolical. I think it has something to do with my low resistance level to pressure and the crazy competitive streak I have buried under my calm exterior. (Ha!). But of course I’m no doctor. Nor I am God.
Anyway, this subject of depression is a bit tricky. People from different stream of knowledge have different opinion on how to handle the depression. Counseling and drugs treatment are two of the main ‘medicine’ choice.
Thus my opinion is a bit subjective: I prefer sharing and writing.
Admit that something bothering you up also help.
And it is not uncommon: it happens at least to two girls I spoke to in the past few days. So it's not like you're crazy.
BUT self-restrain is important, don't let the 'depression' or the 'emotional' state allows us to take pity on ourselves. So I guess switching our attention from ourselves to others in need, is one of the way.
Of course, this is my take. Meanwhile some cases are just need special attention; so I'll let it up to people who are entitled to it.
Anyway, this talk about depression makes me miss my Melbourne so much. Urm.
[Photo 3+4 courtesy of Mr. Kurkur]
stop being a bitch
I stumbled upon one of my friend's Facebook notes regarding a person that has treated her so badly. In one unimaginable way that I thought only happened in sinetron. And after all the shenanigans this 'difficult person' pulled, she reaped her 'reward'.
Sweet, sweet revenge, huh, C? Especially when justice is served without having yourself included in the blooded battle. That is what the church may call, victorious. ^^v.
I don't believe in karma but I do believe in the saying of 'treat other like you want to be treated'. Because really, never will we know in what form a 'help' can come in our way. Which is what I found out as well this week, about a person who invisibly supported a friend in need.
Just like any typical week, I spent my Monday/Tuesday hanging out with my ex-colleague, Miss S, for lunch. She was telling me that she called our old office to speak to Mr. A, the legal director, asking for some sort of work related help. Not long after they talk nonsense, Mr. A asked her, "So, how's work? You like it there? How's Mr. B going?"
Mr. B used to work in our old office, but in a different era. Miss S, without any suspicion answered that Mr. B is alright and that she's is pretty settling in to the new office.
"I'm glad I could help." Mr. A said.
Miss S told me that she suddenly sense something weird from the statement, "What do you mean, Pak?"
"Lho, it was me who called Mr. B and hooked you two girls up for interview with him after the layoff."
What? It was him?! Mr. A who is typically acting ignorant about work and we sometime tease for his porn-joke? Mr. A who even didn't acknowledge us when we were beyond our mind that day? He was the one who promoted us to Mr. B?
Right after I got my pink slip, I received a text message (exactly on the next day) from Mr. B asking for my CV and proposing for interview. I just directly assumed that it was my ex-HOR that inform Mr. B about our condition. Both Miss S and I never got a chance to confirm who was it and we both just assumed it was one of the research people we know through out two years in the company. Little did we realize that Mr. A was the one who thinking about us and acted fast. And little did he know that my spirit was lifted a little higher that day. I get this 'out-of-jail/unemployment' card pretty fast, huh!
Oh well, so the story ends happily. I got a chance for an interview and realised that the job wasn't for me but it fit Miss S like gloves. While me, here I am, fully content that being nice to people that other may not think earns the respect, while sometime could be undervalued, is actually one of the treasured character.
Sweet, sweet revenge, huh, C? Especially when justice is served without having yourself included in the blooded battle. That is what the church may call, victorious. ^^v.
I don't believe in karma but I do believe in the saying of 'treat other like you want to be treated'. Because really, never will we know in what form a 'help' can come in our way. Which is what I found out as well this week, about a person who invisibly supported a friend in need.
Just like any typical week, I spent my Monday/Tuesday hanging out with my ex-colleague, Miss S, for lunch. She was telling me that she called our old office to speak to Mr. A, the legal director, asking for some sort of work related help. Not long after they talk nonsense, Mr. A asked her, "So, how's work? You like it there? How's Mr. B going?"
Mr. B used to work in our old office, but in a different era. Miss S, without any suspicion answered that Mr. B is alright and that she's is pretty settling in to the new office.
"I'm glad I could help." Mr. A said.
Miss S told me that she suddenly sense something weird from the statement, "What do you mean, Pak?"
"Lho, it was me who called Mr. B and hooked you two girls up for interview with him after the layoff."
What? It was him?! Mr. A who is typically acting ignorant about work and we sometime tease for his porn-joke? Mr. A who even didn't acknowledge us when we were beyond our mind that day? He was the one who promoted us to Mr. B?
Right after I got my pink slip, I received a text message (exactly on the next day) from Mr. B asking for my CV and proposing for interview. I just directly assumed that it was my ex-HOR that inform Mr. B about our condition. Both Miss S and I never got a chance to confirm who was it and we both just assumed it was one of the research people we know through out two years in the company. Little did we realize that Mr. A was the one who thinking about us and acted fast. And little did he know that my spirit was lifted a little higher that day. I get this 'out-of-jail/unemployment' card pretty fast, huh!
Oh well, so the story ends happily. I got a chance for an interview and realised that the job wasn't for me but it fit Miss S like gloves. While me, here I am, fully content that being nice to people that other may not think earns the respect, while sometime could be undervalued, is actually one of the treasured character.
I can't even speak proper BAHASA
so much for a nationalist wannabe, huh!?
I had an interview today with Stock Exchange watchdog to get my working license and I sort of bombed it to the ground and leaving with destroyed dignity *...*
So there were three gentlemen interviewing me about this broker/dealer related rules. It started off pretty alright with general question and what-not. Then, they started to ask me about the rules. NOT the rules that I don't know, but the thing is, I don't know what on earth they are talking about.
In my defense, I studied capital market overseas and I hate to say this but I am freaking unfamiliar with the jargon here. And badly enough, I started to think in English, translating their question to Bahasa then thinking about the rules, trying to explain it to myself in English and tried to speak in Bahasa. Confused. Just like overused laptop of mine, my mind crash. Blank. So.......in the middle of the interview I just give up.
Thankfully the gentlemen were quite nice. They weren't scolding at me and later told me that I could take another test (written one thank God) because.. I don't know why, actually.
But really, what's up with my Bahasa? I am alright with the Bahasa pergaulan and could speak fast enough that people won't think I'm dumb bimbo. But full EYD? Nada. Another plan plan plan!
Anyway, talking about watchdog and language, I remember one of the 'joke' that my 'bule' ex-boss used to tell during a party with Indonesian.
"Do you know that dog is the only animal that speaks two languages?" He asked.
Me: "Ummmm.."
"What sound a dog makes here (in Jakarta)?"
Me (stupidly): "Guk guk?"
"In Australia it said, woof woof." He smiled widely.
Me: "Ah!" Awkwardly.
So smart, ey?
I had an interview today with Stock Exchange watchdog to get my working license and I sort of bombed it to the ground and leaving with destroyed dignity *...*
So there were three gentlemen interviewing me about this broker/dealer related rules. It started off pretty alright with general question and what-not. Then, they started to ask me about the rules. NOT the rules that I don't know, but the thing is, I don't know what on earth they are talking about.
In my defense, I studied capital market overseas and I hate to say this but I am freaking unfamiliar with the jargon here. And badly enough, I started to think in English, translating their question to Bahasa then thinking about the rules, trying to explain it to myself in English and tried to speak in Bahasa. Confused. Just like overused laptop of mine, my mind crash. Blank. So.......in the middle of the interview I just give up.
Thankfully the gentlemen were quite nice. They weren't scolding at me and later told me that I could take another test (written one thank God) because.. I don't know why, actually.
But really, what's up with my Bahasa? I am alright with the Bahasa pergaulan and could speak fast enough that people won't think I'm dumb bimbo. But full EYD? Nada. Another plan plan plan!
Anyway, talking about watchdog and language, I remember one of the 'joke' that my 'bule' ex-boss used to tell during a party with Indonesian.
"Do you know that dog is the only animal that speaks two languages?" He asked.
Me: "Ummmm.."
"What sound a dog makes here (in Jakarta)?"
Me (stupidly): "Guk guk?"
"In Australia it said, woof woof." He smiled widely.
Me: "Ah!" Awkwardly.
So smart, ey?
love pigs forever
[Source: Ethic garden]PS: The website is in French (which I don't understand even a bit) but the picture is quite endearing to the eyes. Enjoy.
For the love of the country
I was a mere rookie in my previous company and was only working for one full year when few analysts from the ASEAN team and I got a chance to go for a marketing trip in Singapore. I thought then, with my very positive mindset, how hard can it be to convince these people to invest in Indonesia’s “X” industry? It is such an investment heaven!
Right, I was so freaking naïve.
I realized after few meetings that Indonesia’s slot was set aside to the end of each meeting. When they were nice, they’d say, “We’re saving the best for last.” Even I couldn’t believe that. And sometime I could just sat there in the fancy meeting room listening at each country making their presentations until the time was up. Or if there was still enough time I have to rush through my presentation so they could have Q&A session. Thank you very much.
I got so self-conscious that I asked my senior what I had done wrong. Did I look too nervous, too young, too inexperience? (Well, I did back then so he said so).
My senior was a 40s Singaporean uncle who always take pleasure in having a cigarette break in between our meetings. “But here's the fact, no body really knows Indonesia, especially these young fund managers. The market is too small for them to care. They just don't have enough information to make something out of it. Granted, they are more positive than their seniors who were in the industry during 1997/98 crisis. But their view on Indonesia is guarded by the foreign media who is not particularly fond of your country, dear. So it is your job to teach them.” He smiled. Puff. Puff.
And this was early 2008, before recession really hit Asia.
Why such skepticism? Why does Indonesia is being punished so badly? Are we such an easy scapegoat? I kept asking.
Going into my third year in the industry, it is pretty clear how very negative foreigner could view Indonesia; particularly during hard time such this. Most are preventing themselves to invest in Indonesia with excuses that our Government has rotten systemic and regulation problem, which is undeniable true, and that was the main reason for them to drive away to a safer haven.
We couldn’t blame them though; many of them were screwed over by Indonesia’s unfailing bad corporate governance during the crisis 10 years ago. And just like a broken heart, you could always forgive, but never forget.
But if we jump into the skepticism boat as well, who'd defend this country? Well, it is not always rainbow and sweet things. But could it be us that given away the impression that this country really not worth living? And if not us, who else could give a balance view about this country?
Right, I was so freaking naïve.
I realized after few meetings that Indonesia’s slot was set aside to the end of each meeting. When they were nice, they’d say, “We’re saving the best for last.” Even I couldn’t believe that. And sometime I could just sat there in the fancy meeting room listening at each country making their presentations until the time was up. Or if there was still enough time I have to rush through my presentation so they could have Q&A session. Thank you very much.
I got so self-conscious that I asked my senior what I had done wrong. Did I look too nervous, too young, too inexperience? (Well, I did back then so he said so).
My senior was a 40s Singaporean uncle who always take pleasure in having a cigarette break in between our meetings. “But here's the fact, no body really knows Indonesia, especially these young fund managers. The market is too small for them to care. They just don't have enough information to make something out of it. Granted, they are more positive than their seniors who were in the industry during 1997/98 crisis. But their view on Indonesia is guarded by the foreign media who is not particularly fond of your country, dear. So it is your job to teach them.” He smiled. Puff. Puff.
And this was early 2008, before recession really hit Asia.
Why such skepticism? Why does Indonesia is being punished so badly? Are we such an easy scapegoat? I kept asking.
Going into my third year in the industry, it is pretty clear how very negative foreigner could view Indonesia; particularly during hard time such this. Most are preventing themselves to invest in Indonesia with excuses that our Government has rotten systemic and regulation problem, which is undeniable true, and that was the main reason for them to drive away to a safer haven.
We couldn’t blame them though; many of them were screwed over by Indonesia’s unfailing bad corporate governance during the crisis 10 years ago. And just like a broken heart, you could always forgive, but never forget.
But if we jump into the skepticism boat as well, who'd defend this country? Well, it is not always rainbow and sweet things. But could it be us that given away the impression that this country really not worth living? And if not us, who else could give a balance view about this country?
the relationship stories
This is what happened after a series of private meeting with few of my friends: I got plenty spicy stuff to write about relationships. Girls (and boys), I'm not going to name names based on the secrecy you (thought you) gave me when we had our lunches/dinners/YMs/phone calls. But your stuffs are so damn writable. Heehee..
Here're the highlights:
Here're the highlights:
- "My boyfriend doesn't understand me! He has to talk to me every night although I told him that I was so tired. Zie, I think I want to breakup." A friend who wants a more understanding boyfriend.
- "My girlfriend asks for unthinkable things for such an early relationship. We argued all the time!" A friend who are confused about the girl's character, to say the least.
- "Am I living in my past, Zie?" :) a friend who is trying to get further explanation from the ghostly relationship.
- "WHAT? He doesn't know what MSG stands for?!" a frustrated friend trying to get a balance view from the boyfriend and getting shocked by his lack of knowledge.
- "I usually dated girl my age, or older than me. This one is just too immature." a friend telling me about his LDR with a girl two years younger than his.
[Totally feeling #3 and #4, HA!]
Well, at least one of my friend is pretty positive despite the ‘not-so-good’ news she received about her boyfriend.
After hearing her story I immediately said, "See, that makes me more skeptical about boys. Is there even one decent human boy out there?" She said, "[I guess we need to think about one thing:] Good intention. Good intention."
I laughed. So that becomes our sort-of mantra when one of us is losing faith due to boy's troubles.
Anyhoo, I don’t really know how to respond to most of the complaints since I’m not a competent couple counselor. I typically smiled and nodded or acted like one muted idiot. However, for some, I told them to suck it up and move on. For some, maybe a little patience is required. Because what is relationship without hard work, acceptance and forgiveness? It is not one that is worth keeping, I guess.
Maybe I'm being simple and un-romantic.
Or, maybe the next time I should just listen to you and not publishing your complaints here :)
Have a great weekend!
PS: If you want me to remove your taglines then let me know haha.. will appreciate your privacy. Umm.. right. Haha.
Kiss on the forehead (KOTF)
During our three-weeks on Friday night dinner ritual, my ex-housemate, K and I talked about this ‘no-added value’ book I was reading calls “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. (This book is such a waste of money. Please don’t buy it. Just borrow it from me.)
Anyway the book lead us to this. K told me about one of her best-friend’s new theory about getting a kiss on the forehead. She insisted that it is not sweet nor meaningful like what it seems like on TV. According to her, it means: “No, I’m not going to kiss you anywhere else, honey,” sort of kiss, she said. Basically, the boy is just not that into the girl. Her argument was, if he really likes her, why forehead?
Before K heard about this, she and I share the same sentiment that KOTF means something deeper and gentler. Then maybe we both watched too many Asian soap dramas during our uni year. But is it? Does KOTF really mean the guy isn’t that into us?
Do tell.
Anyway the book lead us to this. K told me about one of her best-friend’s new theory about getting a kiss on the forehead. She insisted that it is not sweet nor meaningful like what it seems like on TV. According to her, it means: “No, I’m not going to kiss you anywhere else, honey,” sort of kiss, she said. Basically, the boy is just not that into the girl. Her argument was, if he really likes her, why forehead?
Before K heard about this, she and I share the same sentiment that KOTF means something deeper and gentler. Then maybe we both watched too many Asian soap dramas during our uni year. But is it? Does KOTF really mean the guy isn’t that into us?
Do tell.
city lite
Since I've moved in to my new office, (a bit deeper into the heart of Sudirman compare to my previous one) I feel more weirdly attach with the city I work in. Surely, Jakarta is no Sydney, nor is it New York or London. Not even HongKong or Singapore. *Note that I NEVER work more than 3 month in those cities cumulatively~
But I guess Jakarta is a home, despite all of its wackiness. The unbelievable bus. Questionable bus-way. And the pillars that are supposed to be monorail (what's up with that?!). The ever annoying motorcycle (will I ever move on from this topic? I don’t think I ever will). Crazy car drivers. Then there is traffic jam which usually due to some stupid excuses.
Last Monday, while I was stuck in my car for five minutes in front of my office I couldn’t help to laugh. Everything just seemed to stop as far as my eyes could see, even motorcycles were struggling at the pedestrian walk. It was just like a scene out of those ‘Armageddon’-like movie where the citizen is rushing out of the city to get away from meteor/zombie/disease of your choice. It was so surreal.
(Then I found out it is because of this high-profile occasion in Semanggi that polices are stopping traffic coming from ‘Old Town’ (a.ka Kota).)
Do I hate it? Oh, do I sometime can’t help but wanting to cuss! But my cursing will have no positive impact, will it?
Traffic problem is just one way to picture it, but life in Jakarta is just too unpredictable in every aspect. There’s simply no historical pattern that technical analyst would cry themselves to sleep. Life is just so unpredictable that I could not help to embrace it. If you thrive for manageability/predictability that developed countries are offering, you'll be sorely disappointed.
Some of us may have the choice to work outside the country, which I say, lucky you. But nothing will remain the same after you work down herein Jakarta. Really, on a bright side you’ll appreciate much more of what you currently have. On the brighter side, maybe you will, like me, try to embrace every second pass and make the most of it :). Happy working.
[ Do you know: during the day (in the working day surely), Jakarta population is typically double or even triple its population during the night? ]
But I guess Jakarta is a home, despite all of its wackiness. The unbelievable bus. Questionable bus-way. And the pillars that are supposed to be monorail (what's up with that?!). The ever annoying motorcycle (will I ever move on from this topic? I don’t think I ever will). Crazy car drivers. Then there is traffic jam which usually due to some stupid excuses.
Last Monday, while I was stuck in my car for five minutes in front of my office I couldn’t help to laugh. Everything just seemed to stop as far as my eyes could see, even motorcycles were struggling at the pedestrian walk. It was just like a scene out of those ‘Armageddon’-like movie where the citizen is rushing out of the city to get away from meteor/zombie/disease of your choice. It was so surreal.
(Then I found out it is because of this high-profile occasion in Semanggi that polices are stopping traffic coming from ‘Old Town’ (a.ka Kota).)
Do I hate it? Oh, do I sometime can’t help but wanting to cuss! But my cursing will have no positive impact, will it?
Traffic problem is just one way to picture it, but life in Jakarta is just too unpredictable in every aspect. There’s simply no historical pattern that technical analyst would cry themselves to sleep. Life is just so unpredictable that I could not help to embrace it. If you thrive for manageability/predictability that developed countries are offering, you'll be sorely disappointed.
Some of us may have the choice to work outside the country, which I say, lucky you. But nothing will remain the same after you work down herein Jakarta. Really, on a bright side you’ll appreciate much more of what you currently have. On the brighter side, maybe you will, like me, try to embrace every second pass and make the most of it :). Happy working.
[ Do you know: during the day (in the working day surely), Jakarta population is typically double or even triple its population during the night? ]
Leonora's 78th birthday
Today is my Oma's birthday and my aunties are pulling some crowd from Oma's choir and tend us an afternoon service in our family's headquarter.
It was fun to say the least. You can learn so much from this specific bunch of people. Like how much they know about Chairil Anwar's life and death, how they read the song before singing it (then my brother told me he'd realized it was Ada Band's song?) or how old people past the age of 70 still flirt with each other.
(Hoho, now I need to stop).
Oma is one little lady. Her name is Leonora but her family calls her Toet. In Dutch it means little. My brother and I made fun of it when we were much younger. We called her Oma Toet Toet which sounded like those children song about the train and laughed like crazy. It is not so funny though, now.
Up until I was in high school Oma still went everywhere riding that crazy Metromini. However, she was one hell of a driver herself, I heard, back when my father and his sisters were kids. My father comes from big family of seven siblings but Oma could fit all of them in one tiny soap car (I'm so bad with car type) then she drove away like today's 'angkot' driver. I also heard that it was where we, the Toisuta ladies inherit our driving skill from.
My Oma is one religious lady. She took me to a separate room every year during my birthday to pray. Usually at 6PM because she said it was my birth time. She is a total opposite of my late Opa. Opa was not religious but very charming. It is either that or may be I just need an older man attention (hoho) but if Oma is beside him, she seems non-existent. All of my childhood memories about her is the one that we spent only the two of us with no other person in sight.
But I know she loves Opa so very much. She told me once that she and Opa would write to each other during the war time. But since her mother (my great-grand mother) is against the relationship, she would write his name in code:
1 3 0 1 3
My Opa name is Bob, a short for Robert.
When Opa died back in 2006, she suddenly suffered dementia. She would call me another name (usually my aunt's name). She would misplace things. She would looked at me and shocked why I'm doing around while I've been there all along. But as time passed, it heals and she is back to her tiny sweet lady she has always been.
So today she's 78th. Growing up I've always been respecting her, but now I admire her for what she has done for her family. Especially her unfailing love for her children and husband. I could only pray that my life would be half as good as hers so I could passed on to my own grandchildren the love I've received from her.
It was fun to say the least. You can learn so much from this specific bunch of people. Like how much they know about Chairil Anwar's life and death, how they read the song before singing it (then my brother told me he'd realized it was Ada Band's song?) or how old people past the age of 70 still flirt with each other.
(Hoho, now I need to stop).
Oma is one little lady. Her name is Leonora but her family calls her Toet. In Dutch it means little. My brother and I made fun of it when we were much younger. We called her Oma Toet Toet which sounded like those children song about the train and laughed like crazy. It is not so funny though, now.
Up until I was in high school Oma still went everywhere riding that crazy Metromini. However, she was one hell of a driver herself, I heard, back when my father and his sisters were kids. My father comes from big family of seven siblings but Oma could fit all of them in one tiny soap car (I'm so bad with car type) then she drove away like today's 'angkot' driver. I also heard that it was where we, the Toisuta ladies inherit our driving skill from.
My Oma is one religious lady. She took me to a separate room every year during my birthday to pray. Usually at 6PM because she said it was my birth time. She is a total opposite of my late Opa. Opa was not religious but very charming. It is either that or may be I just need an older man attention (hoho) but if Oma is beside him, she seems non-existent. All of my childhood memories about her is the one that we spent only the two of us with no other person in sight.
But I know she loves Opa so very much. She told me once that she and Opa would write to each other during the war time. But since her mother (my great-grand mother) is against the relationship, she would write his name in code:
1 3 0 1 3
My Opa name is Bob, a short for Robert.
When Opa died back in 2006, she suddenly suffered dementia. She would call me another name (usually my aunt's name). She would misplace things. She would looked at me and shocked why I'm doing around while I've been there all along. But as time passed, it heals and she is back to her tiny sweet lady she has always been.
So today she's 78th. Growing up I've always been respecting her, but now I admire her for what she has done for her family. Especially her unfailing love for her children and husband. I could only pray that my life would be half as good as hers so I could passed on to my own grandchildren the love I've received from her.
"what if scenarios": this is what analysts do *wink
In the spirit of Oscar week (and an excuse to post Mr. McAvoy picture) let me talk something I know about atonement*.
I watched Atonement last year after seeing the trailer repeatedly in cable tv. It won Oscars, so I guess it should be at least boring but good. Really recommended the movie, especially those who can stand long movies (123minutes). But it's really worth the sacrifice (fell in love with McAvoy here heehee).
However, after I saw it first time, I left the movie feeling~ weird. I wasn’t happy nor gullible such post air-head chick flick or rom-com movies. Yet, I was sad because the ending isn’t so ‘chick flick-ey’. You know what; I went to find the book (Ian McEwan), assuming it will give me a different kind of ending. Ha, so much of an imagination.
The main characters apparently are not the couple struggling to get their happy ending (such ‘The Notebook’ to name a few). It is the little girl, Briony, who with her vivid imagination took the burden of her own guilt. She tried her best all her life to make amends to Cecilia (her sister) and Robbie (Cecilia’s lover). However, fate chose different ending for the couple who died during the war and all Briony had was her novels. So she chose whatever writers are good at, making a totally different ending. A happy one.
The weird feeling hasn’t gone away. But now I can relate to the old Briony.
There are times when I want to wipe off the guilt, I imagine things to go the other way. Isn’t it the power of being a writer? That’s what I do ^^.
And lately, I got myself a little guilt creeping inside of me. Nothing religious, but more human interaction issue (heh, whatever it means). In short, it is harder if you feel the guilt toward another person compare to guilt of onself! Especially if they live hundreds miles away and has issues of their own. (Hoho, pointing fingers). So I indulge in a different kinda 'what-if' scenarios here and there to make amends for what could've been between our complicated relationship. That's what writers do, no?
I watched Atonement last year after seeing the trailer repeatedly in cable tv. It won Oscars, so I guess it should be at least boring but good. Really recommended the movie, especially those who can stand long movies (123minutes). But it's really worth the sacrifice (fell in love with McAvoy here heehee).
However, after I saw it first time, I left the movie feeling~ weird. I wasn’t happy nor gullible such post air-head chick flick or rom-com movies. Yet, I was sad because the ending isn’t so ‘chick flick-ey’. You know what; I went to find the book (Ian McEwan), assuming it will give me a different kind of ending. Ha, so much of an imagination.
The main characters apparently are not the couple struggling to get their happy ending (such ‘The Notebook’ to name a few). It is the little girl, Briony, who with her vivid imagination took the burden of her own guilt. She tried her best all her life to make amends to Cecilia (her sister) and Robbie (Cecilia’s lover). However, fate chose different ending for the couple who died during the war and all Briony had was her novels. So she chose whatever writers are good at, making a totally different ending. A happy one.
The weird feeling hasn’t gone away. But now I can relate to the old Briony.
There are times when I want to wipe off the guilt, I imagine things to go the other way. Isn’t it the power of being a writer? That’s what I do ^^.
And lately, I got myself a little guilt creeping inside of me. Nothing religious, but more human interaction issue (heh, whatever it means). In short, it is harder if you feel the guilt toward another person compare to guilt of onself! Especially if they live hundreds miles away and has issues of their own. (Hoho, pointing fingers). So I indulge in a different kinda 'what-if' scenarios here and there to make amends for what could've been between our complicated relationship. That's what writers do, no?
Anywho, my believe is that we should NOT live in guilt. Having a sense of guilt is okay since it means you are being a human. Having none would equal to pshycotic. Too much would be suicidal (not much different apparently). And looking at it from my Christian believes, we should not live in guilt of our past. Because atonement has made through Christ and so we live as a new being.
*[Atonement: Amends or reparation made for an injury or wrong; expiation. a. Reconciliation or an instance of reconciliation between God and humans. b. Atonement Christianity The reconciliation of God and humans brought about by the redemptive life and death of Jesus]
kring kring goes goes..* (am I the only creep knowing this bicycle song?)
The "Bike to Work" idea is, in my opinion, very very enticing. The program itself was actually initiated back in 2004 by a community calling for a less pollution in our lovely Jakarta.
It seems like five years on the community still sticks to their mission. On a typical morning on my way to the office, I usually could see a couple man with full bicycle equipment in the morning roaming smaller street in the CBD area (haven’t seen any woman just yet, though).
Skeptics, oh yeah, lots of them. Here’re my two cents:
Pros:
1. A bike is the least pollution contributor vehicle around.
2. Way cheaper than spending on fuel or public transport and parking (since it is free except the initial investment on a good bike. And the cycling equipment, if you insisted.)
3. It is a healthy cardio exercise, considering you go early enough to avoid the unfiltered Metromini’s exhaust
Cons:
1. If you stay far enough from the office, it is possible that over time your calves will re-emerge to be Becak paddlers. It may be OK for guys, but girls?
2. You need to bring another set of clothes and the appropriate equipments. Imagine having an important meeting later in the day.
3. Weather in Jakarta is unpredictable. And during rainy season you could just only pray for no floods on your way.
I could find more contrary position on this matter actually (haha, high maintenance me). But most importantly, this pros and cons are only practical if you can ride a bike and has a good motoric sense. Which in my case is non-existence.
It seems like five years on the community still sticks to their mission. On a typical morning on my way to the office, I usually could see a couple man with full bicycle equipment in the morning roaming smaller street in the CBD area (haven’t seen any woman just yet, though).
Skeptics, oh yeah, lots of them. Here’re my two cents:
Pros:
1. A bike is the least pollution contributor vehicle around.
2. Way cheaper than spending on fuel or public transport and parking (since it is free except the initial investment on a good bike. And the cycling equipment, if you insisted.)
3. It is a healthy cardio exercise, considering you go early enough to avoid the unfiltered Metromini’s exhaust
Cons:
1. If you stay far enough from the office, it is possible that over time your calves will re-emerge to be Becak paddlers. It may be OK for guys, but girls?
2. You need to bring another set of clothes and the appropriate equipments. Imagine having an important meeting later in the day.
3. Weather in Jakarta is unpredictable. And during rainy season you could just only pray for no floods on your way.
I could find more contrary position on this matter actually (haha, high maintenance me). But most importantly, this pros and cons are only practical if you can ride a bike and has a good motoric sense. Which in my case is non-existence.
curious case of woman on top
Should a girl become ‘one of the boys’ to make it in today’s corporate world?
No matter how far the world has evolved (assuming this is no longer a dark age), reality is it is still damn tricky to be a female in a corporate world where predominantly it is run by the so-called boys club.
Main problem is gender bias does exist, no matter how you want to deny it. It creates so many other issues, including how: female is easily misjudge if acting outside the socially accepted female behavior while she is also expected to be more political and be more like the boys to get the top exec position.
Here’s one simple difference between girls and boys as an elementary student that create such a huge gap later on.
Boys are used to play team sport since they were little. They learned from such an early age on how to separate friends and allies in order to win the game. They could be an allies but not a friend outside the game, and vise versa. The cycle then repeated every time they played sport (which was often I believe), writing this in their DNA.
Girls on the other hand were brought up at the other end of the spectrum. We played nurturing games and were expected to be friend with everyone. Then if we don’t get along, we just stop playing together and find a new friends.
ONE of the reason why girls are less comfortable being involved in office politics is: because some of us prefer to be friends with people who we are getting along with and at the same time trying not to be considered the witch by people who we don't get along with. However, this ONE also lead to the result of why there is less female exec in the world.
I guess, if we, girls, really have the drive to play the game (liking Niko in Lipstick Jungle –the Book, not the Series), we could just.. have it ALL. Look at the example of Indo current top exec: Sri Mulyani a.ka the Iron Lady (see what I mean about gender bias?) our own Finance Minister and Coordinating Minister for Economy. Or the newly appointed Pertamina Director, Karen Agustiawan. If these ladies can do it, so do the rest of us, yes?
Well, just remember that success come with sacrifice and being brought up a nurturer it would be bigger sacrifice for women. But really, it is up to each individual preference on what to achieve in this world, no?
I found this interesting article few short tips for those who want to get to the top.
Oh, this stuff is so serious. *wink*
No matter how far the world has evolved (assuming this is no longer a dark age), reality is it is still damn tricky to be a female in a corporate world where predominantly it is run by the so-called boys club.
Main problem is gender bias does exist, no matter how you want to deny it. It creates so many other issues, including how: female is easily misjudge if acting outside the socially accepted female behavior while she is also expected to be more political and be more like the boys to get the top exec position.
Here’s one simple difference between girls and boys as an elementary student that create such a huge gap later on.
Boys are used to play team sport since they were little. They learned from such an early age on how to separate friends and allies in order to win the game. They could be an allies but not a friend outside the game, and vise versa. The cycle then repeated every time they played sport (which was often I believe), writing this in their DNA.
Girls on the other hand were brought up at the other end of the spectrum. We played nurturing games and were expected to be friend with everyone. Then if we don’t get along, we just stop playing together and find a new friends.
ONE of the reason why girls are less comfortable being involved in office politics is: because some of us prefer to be friends with people who we are getting along with and at the same time trying not to be considered the witch by people who we don't get along with. However, this ONE also lead to the result of why there is less female exec in the world.
I guess, if we, girls, really have the drive to play the game (liking Niko in Lipstick Jungle –the Book, not the Series), we could just.. have it ALL. Look at the example of Indo current top exec: Sri Mulyani a.ka the Iron Lady (see what I mean about gender bias?) our own Finance Minister and Coordinating Minister for Economy. Or the newly appointed Pertamina Director, Karen Agustiawan. If these ladies can do it, so do the rest of us, yes?
Well, just remember that success come with sacrifice and being brought up a nurturer it would be bigger sacrifice for women. But really, it is up to each individual preference on what to achieve in this world, no?
I found this interesting article few short tips for those who want to get to the top.
Oh, this stuff is so serious. *wink*
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