"what if scenarios": this is what analysts do *wink

In the spirit of Oscar week (and an excuse to post Mr. McAvoy picture) let me talk something I know about atonement*.

I watched Atonement last year after seeing the trailer repeatedly in cable tv. It won Oscars, so I guess it should be at least boring but good. Really recommended the movie, especially those who can stand long movies (123minutes). But it's really worth the sacrifice (fell in love with McAvoy here heehee).

However, after I saw it first time, I left the movie feeling~ weird. I wasn’t happy nor gullible such post air-head chick flick or rom-com movies. Yet, I was sad because the ending isn’t so ‘chick flick-ey’. You know what; I went to find the book (Ian McEwan), assuming it will give me a different kind of ending. Ha, so much of an imagination.

The main characters apparently are not the couple struggling to get their happy ending (such ‘The Notebook’ to name a few). It is the little girl, Briony, who with her vivid imagination took the burden of her own guilt. She tried her best all her life to make amends to Cecilia (her sister) and Robbie (Cecilia’s lover). However, fate chose different ending for the couple who died during the war and all Briony had was her novels. So she chose whatever writers are good at, making a totally different ending. A happy one.

The weird feeling hasn’t gone away. But now I can relate to the old Briony.

There are times when I want to wipe off the guilt, I imagine things to go the other way. Isn’t it the power of being a writer? That’s what I do ^^.

And lately, I got myself a little guilt creeping inside of me. Nothing religious, but more human interaction issue (heh, whatever it means). In short, it is harder if you feel the guilt toward another person compare to guilt of onself! Especially if they live hundreds miles away and has issues of their own. (Hoho, pointing fingers). So I indulge in a different kinda 'what-if' scenarios here and there to make amends for what could've been between our complicated relationship. That's what writers do, no?

Anywho, my believe is that we should NOT live in guilt. Having a sense of guilt is okay since it means you are being a human. Having none would equal to pshycotic. Too much would be suicidal (not much different apparently). And looking at it from my Christian believes, we should not live in guilt of our past. Because atonement has made through Christ and so we live as a new being.

*[Atonement: Amends or reparation made for an injury or wrong; expiation. a. Reconciliation or an instance of reconciliation between God and humans. b. Atonement Christianity The reconciliation of God and humans brought about by the redemptive life and death of Jesus]